I Am Lost Without You Here, Talon

[brook2]

God bless the coffin they carry me off in
( THEY CARRY ME OFF IN )

Brook was sober he had actually been sober for the past twelve hours. Ever since his little conversation over IM with Talon. Hell he had even been sober then while he had been typing away at her. He didn't get her at times and the same could have been said about Talon. She must not have known him too well. What the hell had she been planning to do or in this case what was she planning to do? In all honesty it got to him even when he knew it shouldn't. Ever since their little talk in the park they had been 'off' for about five business days if Nash was correct or well he couldn't really tell. Days had started to slowly slip by in a blur and if it wasn't for the invention of the calendar he probably wouldn't have a clue about what day it was. Four out of five of those days were spent on a drinking binge. One resolution to his problems until that became a problem all on it's own. And then suddenly on the fifth day he just stopped. Laid up in his bed all afternoon staring at his ceiling and wondering what was left of his pathetic life? Nothing much left now when the only part left was booze. Seemingly enough it was weird for him to think he could have both at the same time like he was stable enough to drink and still have Talon in his arms. He was stupid to think such a thing and slowly he was starting to come to terms with that, but what had taken him so long. Maybe it was the fact that the first time he had talk to Talon had been weird. The stuff she said put him on edge, not to mention pissed him off, but most of all gave he a bad gut feeling one he couldn't deny but one he was going to ignore. Why had she been acting like that in the first place though? Yeah he could understand she probably hated him now, but if she was going to do something and rub it in his face, but not tell him. What was the point in rubbing it in his nose in the first place? She either was going to tell him or not. He hated playing games. He wanted her to get strait to the point or fuck off. But no matter what he just couldn't get over what she had said.

You could never tell what was going to happen next. Life changing events never announced themselves. They pretty much came in and swooped you off your feet until you were breathing for air on your back. And that was the thing. Nash wasn't use to change at least not the unexpected kind. He had to be ready. He had to be prepared. He was always use to the misery that tagged along when somebody new would leave him. He was use to that. But there were just some things he couldn't prepare for. Then there was those moments that left him speechless. He didn't see it coming when it should have and he was stupid to have not. Was this what she had been talking about? Cause Nash could have sworn he was going crazy or maybe this was all just a really fucked up dream and that his phone hadn't gone off in his pocket and that he was sitting there reading that message. He was just waiting for someone to pinch him cause he was not believing what he was reading. Those words couldn't be real could they? No such words could bring such emotion from him before such as these ones he was reading now. He had never felt so many emotions before in his life. Nothing he could have ever learned could prepare him for this moment. And when there were some many emotions running through him it became hard to choose which one to feel at the moment.

He might not have known what to feel, but he sure as hell knew what to do. The same thing Talon would have done. He would be lying to himself if he told himself he would just let this go. It would have been an absolute fucking lie and that was one thing Brooklyn knew for sure. He could tell himself he didn't love this girl as much as he wanted to, but he knew that this girl was the only in his heart. The one who was ripping it out all at the same time. Regret washed over him like a wave. Sure he had to think about it. Think about everything, think about them and what they had been and what it had come down to. And how he screwed up and how this was all his fault. He really was stupid. He really was a mean, selfish, son of a bitch for not realizing this sooner. That everything he had been through and what he had put Talon through didn't matter cause in the end deep down he knew that if he lost her. It would be the end of her and him both. There would be no more Nash when she was gone. He just never thought it would happen. He knew he was stupid enough and would sink that low, but Talon? It only made him feel more like shit to know he had been the one to drive her this far. That she had to go all this way to make him realize that in the end she was everything and liquor was a mere nothingness compared.

Brooklyn might not have been able to do much, but he was going to do all in his power to save her. Anyone who was with him could see it. See the distance he was going through to get to her and all obstacles in his way between him holding her were going to torn down. He was driving like a maniac. The speed limit was nowhere on his mind and getting a speeding ticket was the least of his problems. It was only pure fucking luck or that's what he told himself that Talon only lived a few miles away. He knew he couldn't say much. It was too much like calling the kettle black. He knew himself he had no room to talk, but that time Talon had been there, saved him well and now it was his turn. He couldn't think about nothing else. No, not if he wanted to save her. She had to be the only thing on his mind cause anything else would only get in the way and Nash would not allow that. He barely stopped to breath and the only sigh of relief so far was when he reached her house. Busting down her door, he would fix that later when everything between them was fixed first. Why did she do this? Did she know she would get this reaction out of him? That he would come and save her? Or did she really want to die and not be with him anymore? It made him see a lot of things he hadn't seen before. The thing he regretted the most? Not being able to see them sooner.



tag; Talon
words;1218
outfit; heree
notes; me tooo :]
credit; it was made my joey (xoxsilvermoonox) of CAUION 2.0 please leave the credit on, or i will use my rabid monkeys on you. [:

[TALON OLIVIA LAVENDER]

just give me all of your love,
THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER ASKED

The day hadn't been very eventful. Not in the slightest. She couldn't help but feel more then numb as she woke up, she had slept way later then she normally did and she hadn't taken the time to really get dressed for her day. It wasn't like it was going to be a special day, at least, not for her. For nash, it could possibly be a dream come true. At least, that was what she was telling herself. She knew she was basically lying to herself, getting her own self to believe something that couldn't be farther from the truth, but it was the only way she would go through with this. If she would even go through with it at all. The girl had barely been motivated. Especially since last night. She had asked him if he'd rather know before or after, and he had chosen before.

Now she stood in her bathroom, shaking the most she had ever shaken before, holding her phone securely in her tiny hands as she typed out the message to Brooklyn. She hadn't thought this out very well, it hadn't taken long for the idea to formulate in her head, the logistics were thought out, but the rest of it? Well, to say the least she knew it would be the end, that was all that mattered wasn't it? To her it was. She wanted it to be slow. She had always wondered whether dying felt worse then she had already felt. She would find out soon now wouldn't she? Talon wasn't exactly sure what his reaction would be. It was one of the reasons she had decided to go ahead and do this. To see any emotion at all out of the boy would be a blessing in itself. Maybe he would show.. and maybe he wouldn't, it didn't really matter she knew, but her thoughts all blurred together as her fingers typed the message, staring at the content as her thumb hovered over the send button. "This is finally what you wanted right? Don't worry, your life will be far simpler without me. This is goodbye Nash, just remember, it's all for you. I love you. you chose before, so I'm sending this before I do it, but I advise you not to come, you won't like the scene" She reread it over and over again, the reality of what she was about to do finally sinking in.

And then the tears came. In torrents. She was shaking even worse then she had been before. This was the emotion felt before someone committed suicide. what a rush. Her heart was beating far faster then she could ever try and count or record. Her eyes darted around the small bathroom as her fingers fumbled around for the razor she had placed on the counter. Gripping it tightly so it wouldn't slip out of her trembling hands. She wanted her death to be slow, painful. She wanted to know what real pain felt like, because maybe she had been missing out all along. If something hurt worse then waiting around for Brooklyn to become sober, she wanted to know what it felt like. But that pain seemed unimportant now. Only because after this one simple act, it wouldn't matter any longer.

It was an odd thing to think about she knew, but it was unreal. The one problem she had spent her adulthood worrying about didn't matter now. It was almost a relief. But the relief didn't last long knowing what she was about to do. It was crazy what went through a persons mind when death was closer than it had ever been before. Things of the past, things of the could-have-been future. Things that she had wished would have happened, things that she could have done. Things in general that wouldn't matter after she was dead and gone. And then there was that odd sense of peace, of release that she had never felt before. All her worries wouldn't matter anymore. That was what she had been looking for, right?

That and to see his reaction. She had wanted to see him one last time last night. She would have even agreed to see him today if he would have understood. But he had made it pretty clear he hadn't wanted to see her, and she guessed she understood that. She hadn't seen him since the park. Which was pretty normal on their 'off' stages, she knew she had felt funny that day, just as if it would be the last time she saw him. Little did she know then that she had been more right than she had imagined. It was sad that it had to come to this, she knew, but it was her release, and she couldn't help but agree to herself that it was partially in spite.

The pain that he would hopefully feel at the mention of her being gone forever was something Talon experienced frequently, or ... well, used to experience. She wouldn't have to worry about him dying after she was dead and gone. It wouldn't matter anymore. But then again, if he had said just last night that he didn't want to see her ever again, why would his mind change when his wish had come true? A soft smile would have crossed her lips had it not been for the current situation. The end would come soon, she just had to take the first step. Looking down with blurred vision as her tears still came in sheer torrents her grip on the small razor tightened.

She had planned this part out, this was how she wanted to die. She wanted to bleed out slowly, and a slit on her wrists would do just that, it just had to be deep enough and cut the right artery. Science class had taught her just enough to do that correctly. With a shaky breath the girl slid the razor across her skin with enough pressure to slit her wrist. Talon watched as the blood began to pour out, crimson red against her slightly tan skin. She didn't worry about the mess, she wouldn't be the one to clean it up, it didn't matter. It was odd how her thoughts weren't on how bad it hurt, or how fast she was bleeding out. She had cut deeper then she had intended to, at least for the first cut. She had already planned that too, it wouldn't be just one cut, it would be several, and on both wrists.

It hurt, but it was just a small sting compared to the pain she had felt before this. Death was easier. The girl smiled a twisted smile as her tears blurred her vision even further, the blood on the sink and the floor meshing together with the blood already all over her wrist. Wiping her cheek and eyes on her sleeve the girl bit her lip as she shakily switched hands. The razor now being in her left hand as she stared at her bloodless right wrist. That would change soon. Steadying herself the girl pressed the razor to her skin and slid it across her wrist, watching as the blood began to spill in the floor, on her clothes, down her arm, anywhere it could possibly go really.

For a moment the girl smirked contently until a sharp pain hit her. It felt like she was dying. It was then that she realized the reality of the statement. Her tears began to fall once more and she let them for a short while, not being able to see them fall and mix with the pool of blood that had already started to form at her feet. A little cry of remorse was emitted from her lips as the pain increased, her arms seemed to throb as the blood pulsating out of the slits as her heart continued to race on. If Brooklyn had decided to save her, he should be here any minute. And the thought only made her tears fall harder and faster. She didn't want him to find her alive, but she wanted to die slowly as well. She knew she wouldn't be able to achieve both.

Wiping her eyes quickly the girl smeared blood all over her shirt attempting to do so, her trembling hands fumbling to pick the razor back up. Shaking even more then she had been the girl gripped it tightly in her hands, wincing and gasping softly as her grip cut her fingers. Nothing too major, equivalent to a paper cut almost. It didn't matter, her grip had to be steady, and with that she ran the blade across the arm she had first cut, a little lower then the deeper gash above it. Another little cry of pain was emitted as she heard the door being busted down, jumping slightly. She knew who it was. How could she not? With a small whimper the girl's fingers never loosened on the little razor, the girl held it close to her neck now, watching as he came closer to her.

The tears were falling too fast and clouding her vision too much to see his face. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to see it. stop right th-there.. she said shakily, her words not sounding like her own. d-don't come any closer, or I will... she threatened him, the blade pressed up against her neck as she spat the words at him. Not really sure if she was angry, upset or hurt. At the moment she was in a sick state of bliss. This was what she had wanted after all was it not? Of course it was, and she was slowly getting there. Faster now though. She hadn't wanted him to walk in on her doing this to herself. But she made no effort to block his vision of the bloody mess she had made of her bathroom. There was no reason in hiding it. She was just waiting now for the emotion she was sure he would show her. The girl smiled. Out of everything, this of course would make her smile. Like some deranged psycho, she was standing there smiling at him, a razor blade pressed firmly against her neck, her head tilted up slightly. Maybe she was crazy, but if anything, she knew she was still crazy... for him.

TAG jay and nash<3
WORDS 1731
MUSE a fuckin' bunch.
NOTES wowwwwwwwwwww. i cried. not gonna lie.

[brook2]

God bless the coffin they carry me off in
( THEY CARRY ME OFF IN )

This was all happening because of him. It didn't matter what he had said or done. He had done a lot of shit; too much to list. It all added up in the end and he was the last part of the equation. Was is something he had sad that drove her this far? Or was it everything? He knew he didn't want this despite what Talon told herself that would never be true. He would never think such a thing. He didn't want to believe it could happen, that she would do such a thing. He needed her and a lot more than she needed him apparently or at least that's what it looked like either way he was not going to let this happen. He just couldn't. There would never be enough words to explain his exact feelings if he lost her. Were these the same feelings she felt the day he ended up in the hospitable? A mix of feelings all together swirling inside. He had been so drunk that night. So destructive and lost that day. He just wanted to end it all. He had been just as selfish as Talon was being now. It was like the only thing they could share was each others misery.

The message he had read over and over again in his head for the longest time to the point he became sick to his stomach. He didn't believe a single word she said. He was going to stick to that. Her words were a lie. She had to know that. To know she was lying to herself. It didn't mean he believed she wasn't going to do it. But life would not be simpler without her would be far from it. It would turn into chaos and what was left of his pathetic existence would fall apart. She had to know that wasn't true, but what made Nash so sure? Well the more he thought about it the more he got to thinking. If he had finally went through with his suicide. If he had gotten the results he wanted back then. Would Talons life be simpler if he was gone? He didn't think so at least that's what he told himself. She cared about him too much to act like it was nothing. He was pretty sure this is how it was cause if it wasn't. If Talon didn't care as much as he thought she did. She probably wouldn't have stuck around as long as she did. She had one thing right though, he didn't want to think about the scene he would be looking upon very soon. But at the same time it was what kept him driving. He was going to make sure it didn't happen. If Talon had done everything in her power that year ago. He was going to do everything in his power now.

Brooklyn had learned very damn well that suicide wasn't the best option especially when he didn't get the results you wanted. There was nothing worse than being half death, feeling death for the first time then being saved all of a sudden and being brought back to life. Back then when he had taken the kitchen knife to his stomach he was kind of pissed, but that was then. His heart had stopped or so the doctors said. That he had already died, then why couldn't they just leave him dead? It didn't make a difference now. He looked back at it and could list all the reason why it was a stupid move. It didn't make things better that was for sure. It didn't solve any of his problems, but only seemed to cause more. And the feeling of it. Well there really wasn't a feeling all Brooklyn could say was there wasn't a white light at the end of his tunnel. It was pretty much complete darkness and empty void and that as close as you could get to explaining what feeling dead felt like. And he didn't want Talon to experience the same thing. He didn't want her to experience what he had gone through cause it wasn't worth it. It only caused more pain and sorrow for those around them and Nash had learned that the hard way.

This probably made Brooklyn look like the biggest hypocrite and selfish bastard ever, but he didn't care. He had already comes to terms with it and what he had done. The mess he had created. This was just his way of fixing it or trying to at least. And he was trying very damn hard. After a while when you thought about or more like when something you loved very much was dangling in front of your face and you only had a few seconds to think about which option to choose you usually chose what was about to be taken away from you. You only gave a fuck later. Whatever name you could call him wouldn't phase him now. Nothing could while he was in such a state of manic. You started to realize very quick all the things you did wrong when they finally start happening to you. You don't know how much pain you put people through until someone goes and does the same to you and right now that's what was happening.

He didn't deserve this, nobody did, but this is what he had put Talon through once upon a time. She could do anything, anything but this. All he really wanted was to see her happy cause isn't that what everyone wanted for someone they care about? But there was no her being happy until he maned up and got sober. Yeah this was enough to knock some sense into him. He couldn't believe it had come this far and that she had to do this to him just to get him to see. It was on a whole new level and far from his situation. He wasn't really doing it out of spite. He really had no clue why he was doing it. He should have known that there people out there that cared. It defiantly shouldn't have taken him this long to figure it out. It went back to the same thing. The same feeling of regret. Then being back to being pissed then wanting to rip a hole in his chest. Being beaten with a bat would have been better than the feeling now. And maybe this was the feeling he was always trying to ignore and cover up with alcohol. Because maybe he was too weak to show his feeling. Or show that he was hurt and slowly fading away on the inside. So he drank and drank until those feelings disappeared and covered up his own personal problems with more. Nothing much mattered when you were dead and that was true cause their wasn't much you could do while six feet under, but it wasn't going to come to that. Cause he wasn't going to let it happen and Talon would be a fool for thinking it would.

He really had no possible clue how she was going to go through with this. Which also meant he didn't know how much time he had to get to her before she actually did slip away forever this time. And if she was planning on slowly bleeding out then she must not have wanted to die that badly thought Brooklyn. Though he didn't have a possible clue why she did take that action besides the obvious one and that was him. But if she truly wanted to die, truly wanted to leave him and this world like he had wanted to that year. She would take that razor or whatever she was using and make it quick. Then that would be the end. She would be able to give him what he supposedly wanted. That was just Nash's way of thinking though he would do all that he could to make sure it wouldn't happen which he had been telling himself for a while now. If he did would it make things better? He wasn't going to get his hopes up, but if there was anything that he could do well there was one thing; he would get down on his knee's and admit not only to himself but the girl he loved what a true man he was. That he loved her with all his heart and that if he left she would leave him in shambles. That he wasn't strong enough to live without her. He had been wrong for all those lies and broken promises. He knew there was no forgetting this, but all he wanted was her forgiveness. He was the cause for her pain and the cause for his own suffering. And he had no right to put her through that pain, and she didn't have to take him back, but promise him she wouldn't do this to him. And she could call him whatever she wanted which was probably going to be true either way. As long as he could do something. Stop the pain and that nothingness. He wanted to be able to make everything go away. And there was no better person to know what she was going through besides him.

And of course Talon had been right.... again. He didn't have a strong enough gut to look at the scene in front of him, but still he stood there in a state of shock. His muscles tensed up and his body was paralyzed for a moment and his hands clenched into fist. He couldn’t tell if he came at the right time or if he was already to late. Either way this gut wrenching feeling was getting the best of him. He didn't like the feeling it was one he wasn't use to feeling. And he was just getting use to being able to feel. “NO YOU WON'T” He finally spoke and stepped closer.. He wasn't going to allow it. He wasn't going to allow her to die and she could take that razor across her skin, but he was going to save her either way. No matter what happened he would have her in his arms and alive. “You're not going to do anything” He stepped closer with each word. Tears streaming down his face as his whole body shook in anger. She was so close; he could reach at and touch her she was that close. Eventually his legs gave out from underneath him and he fell to his knees before Talon. And with tear stained cheeks he looked up into her own. “your not leaving me” His own voice a mere whisper.


tag; Talon
words;1784
outfit; heree
notes; me tooo :]
credit; it was made my joey (xoxsilvermoonox) of CAUION 2.0 please leave the credit on, or i will use my rabid monkeys on you. [:

[TALON OLIVIA LAVENDER]

just give me all of your love,
THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER ASKED

The pain was something that had been expected, however the pain she was now experiencing was nothing like she had thought it would be. It was like there was no cure for it, even though she knew there was. A quick one really. To just clean the cuts and put pressure on them so the blood would slowly stop. She didn't want it to stop, or at least that was what she told herself, it was hard to lie to your own self, and Talon was the number one example for that little statement. She wanted to die, but that couldn't be further from the truth. She wanted to be here with him, but if she had to be here with him under these conditions than she would rather take her own life before she would put up with it anymore.

This was going to the extreme, she knew that, she had known that from the moment the crazy idea had presented itself in her mind. She hadn't planned on doing it, especially not as thoroughly as she was carrying through now. If she truly wanted to die though, and be out of this world, wouldn't she have chosen an easier and quicker method to kill herself? To rid the world of herself, or better yet, to make all of her pain go away. Wouldn't one think that she would have wanted to go quickly? Any normal person yes, but Talon justified it all by telling herself she wanted to die slowly to experience worse pain than she had felt before, and that made sense... at least in her head it did. She wanted something to hurt worse then the pain of him not loving her the way he ought to. The pain of losing him, anything worse then that and she would be grateful, even if it was sick and twisted in every way. It didn't matter to her, and nothing anymore did. Not one thing. Not the pain that was coursing through her body and certainly not the razor she held in her tiny fingers.

But all of her hope of dying and leaving the world fled her mind as the boy she was doing this for busted through her door, breaking it down. She would have been appalled if that had been the first thing on her mind, but it certainly wasn't, and his actions only made it worse. He wasn't scared, it was like he wanted her to die too, except his words didn't convince her of that. She didn't care, she had told him not to come closer, or she would slit her throat, and she meant every word. She wouldn't make this easy for him, she had told him goodbye, he wouldn't ruin her suicide, he couldn't. It was for him after all, why did he have to come and ruin a good thing? He would be so much better off without her here to bug him and nag him all the time, did he not see that? It was then that another thought ran through her mind, about how this could be the turning point for them both. Honestly though, how many times had she fallen for that one?

Hadn't she told herself every other time the same damn thing? That he was changing for her finally, and that he would be right again, that things would be like old times? Of course she had, so what made this time different? Maybe this was the time that she stopped believing him, but of course, her name was Talon after all, she couldn't help but have that small sliver of hope inside of her. But by this point it had no significance, what good would him changing do if she was dead and gone? An indescribable ache coursed through her chest as she thought about him finally getting sober and meeting another girl, maybe she would be someone who would treat him right, like she had before he had turned to the bottle. Maybe they would be happy together. Talon grimaced slightly as the jealousy ran through her.

She couldn't think of things like that, at least not now, it would make her want to leave him faster. But.. wasn't that what this whole thing was for? Leaving him, or maybe not him, but making him feel like she had time and time again. It was looking like it was working. But as the girl had planned this whole thing, she hadn't thought of one thing. She had actually convinced herself by now that she had ought to be dead, and now, as she pressed the razor to her neck and stared at him, she couldn't help the desire that made itself present in her mind and heart. She wanted to die. It would be easy then having to deal with him being drunk, not wanting to see her, and not being happy. Maybe her after life would exceed this so much more, she really hoped so. Her life had been okay when she was younger, but as she had gotten older she had discovered that life wasn't easy, and she could certainly agree to that now. She couldn't stand the thought of living another day and facing the fact that the boy she loved was drunk ninety-nine percent of the time and didn't want anything to do with her really. And when he did it was either to feel sorry for him or for sex or some sort of gratification for his selfish self.

Talon couldn't believe she had dealt with it for as long as she had. But as she sat there thinking about it she knew she would still do the same if she hadn't made this decision so suddenly. Of course, there was still the other half of her that wanted to stay here, and be with him. What was even worse? Was that part was larger then the other. What the hell was she doing? Taking the easy way out and offing herself so she could be a selfish bitch and leave him? Only for him to commit suicide shortly after? She knew he would. If she hadn't have saved him in the first place he wouldn't even be here now, what made her think he wouldn't do it again? Because she knew him well enough to know that he would. And the thought in itself was enough to keep her from pressing the blade even further into her neck. But she couldn't help the urge to make it easier on herself and go ahead and run it across the soft skin there.

Her hand had began to shake again, violently, hardly holding the razor still. She had a good grip though, and she was sure she could still slit the sensitive skin if she tried. But she wouldn't, not just yet. The girl couldn't help but be curious at what he was thinking, what was running through his mind during this awful moment. She wanted to know, did it hurt as bad as it hurt when their roles had been switched? Did he regret being such an asshole at times? Did he regret every getting so involved in alcohol? Was this the change she had been waiting for? Questions pounded into her head at an alarming rate and with the pain coursing through her wrists it was almost too much to bear. She felt like she was spinning, and so did her head. Her mind was certainly far past the point of spinning, the girl didn't know what to think, feel, or do. Except watch him, and that was exactly what she did as her tears continued to fall down her cheeks, falling to her arms and clearing the blood that was currently running down her frail arm.

Talon watched him carefully, not quite aware that his hands were balled into fists and how uncomfortable he really was seeing her suffer like this. She couldn't help it, she had told him not to come after all. He was the one who had put this all on himself, she wasn't to blame. This was for her, not him, or at least that was what she had told herself to go through with it anyways. the girl was feeling dizzy now. As if she could see in the first place. Her eyes couldn't focus, not on him in general, but on anything. She felt as if she were falling, but she knew she was standing in place, her body swaying lightly as her mind whirled around the morbid thought of death, and the peace it would bring her. No more thoughts about Nash, no more thoughts about how she would get through the next day. No more thoughts on what she should or could do to help him or save him. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Her body was numb. It was a relief from all the pain that she had been enduring, but it wasn't long that it subsided before it came back, with more of an intensity before. She couldn't help the scream that left her lips. It was as if he wasn't standing before her, and she was alone, enduring the pain she had caused herself. It was then that she realized he was standing before her, and her hands flew to her mouth. She didn't want him to hear her scream. She knew he would remember this forever... that is if he wasn't drunk. She couldn't help that, it was no longer her responsibility. He yelled, telling her what she wouldn't do. the girls jaws clenched tight, pressing the razor even firmer against her neck. Thoughts bombarding her mind on how he didn't know what he was talking about, and how she wasn't afraid. Lies. all of them. She was terrified. of everything really. She was terrified of leaving him, terrified of slowly slipping away like she knew she was doing currently. Her body kept swaying and her head felt light. She was too dizzy to really focus on anything, it was all one huge blur. She didn't miss his words though, that was one thing that still held tight to the girl. Her hearing.

Every ragged breath he took she could hear, every step he took closer to her. Her jaw clenched impossibly tighter. He told her she wasn't going to do anything, and she shook her head quickly, the motion setting her off balance as she leaned against the wall for support, it's too late for that. she said through clenched teeth, the words almost impossible to hear. He was close, she could feel him near her, his presence making her heart flutter and beat even faster than it already was. She gasped softly as her tears fell even harder, her emotions all in a disarray at his arrival. Was he here to save her? apparently so. She could see him, or a blur that resembled him, but she couldn't focus too much before he dropped to his knees, no doubt in her blood now, sobbing. She heard every breath he took, her senses seemed to be in overdrive, she could hear absolutely everything around her. And it wasn't motivating her at all. Not for the death she so quickly planned out. She hadn't thought he would have come like this, and it left her at a loss of what to do.

So instead of thinking, she gave in to what she was feeling, his words stirring all of the emotions she still felt for him, bringing back up the memories from the past in a flash back quicker then she could blink her hazel eyes. The small razor in her hands fell to the floor slowly, almost in slow motion and landed on the hardwood floor with an echo that seemed momentous. The sound quite a bit louder than she had figured it would be. "you're not leaving me". No words ever before had tore through her like they did now, and she couldn't help but fall to her own knees, her face inches from his as she continued to cry. The girl had no words, she wasn't even sure what to do. She wasn't thinking, and she certainly wasn't leaving him anymore, at least.. not intentionally..

So there Talon was, on her knees before him, looking into his eyes now. Wiping her eyes to try and see again, wiping away the poor vision as she did. She could see again. And she could see the pain and hurt written all over his face, and the tears that rested on his cheeks as well as pouring out onto them, with a gentle sob the girl reverted back to whispering. I don't want to leave you Brooklyn.. She couldn't muster up much else, she was still dizzy, and the blood was still pouring out of the slits on her wrist, she needed to take it easy, but at the moment, this mattered far more. He was back.

TAG jay and nash<3
WORDS 2159
MUSE <33333333
NOTES bahhhh :'c

[brook2]

God bless the coffin they carry me off in
( THEY CARRY ME OFF IN )

So out of all the things Nash had to wake up to he never would have thought this would have been one of them. He didn't want to believe such a thing was possible or even think about it. Though this is just want he needed a realization check. That he wasn't the only one going through hell. That he was the one causing it. Maybe it was because he thought that if he could ignore the pain and everything else that eventually it would go away. Except things never went exactly as planned. Half the time Nash didn't know what he wanted whether that was to be alone or drink the night away. Though alcohol seem to cover up most of his problems and the feelings he was trying to hide they seem to cause more harm than do any good. Or maybe it was just Brooklyn all together and not the alcohol that Brook really was a cold hearted bastard. Of course there were those that disagreed. Nash was only human and all humans made mistakes right? Well Nash's life was one whole big mistake it felt like. He hadn't felt anything in a while now. It was pretty much a numb sensation throughout his whole body and Brooklyn wasn't complaining/ it was wanted he wanted right? Yeah well maybe at the time. He just never knew that his actions would lead to something like this. It was one of the biggest wake up calls and one he needed. It was enough to make him feel alive again. Or to feel anything really. Yeah he hated the pain aching inside his chest, but it was better than nothing. It was better than feeling absolutely nothing. It reminded him he had something to lose. And he didn't want to go back to that empty longing feeling again. Where no matter what you do you just can't seem to find that one thing to feel the void. And you keep searching for that one thing even though you already know it's gone.

Well that one thing was Talon. It had always had been, and maybe he forgot that at one point in time, but there was no denying that she was. She just had to be cause if she wasn't then there probably wasn't anything to these feelings, but they were real. The pain that was real to. And everything that was happening, everything he was feeling it wasn't a dream. Nash had lived in his own world for far to long now. The one where he could just ignore everything like it was nothing and that everything was okay. He always acted like it was or that he didn't give a fuck. Except it was easy to tell things were getting to Brooklyn lately. He just refused to accept it. Like how he refused to accept that Talon and him were over. They just couldn't be could they? And if they truly were would he still feel the same way about her? Would he be feeling this right now? It was the only thing that kept him going. The fact that they could make this work. That this time he could try and actually make something out of himself and finally be the one to give Talon everything. He might not be capable of it, but he was sure going to try his damn hardest to do. He had to get rid of these feelings of anger, pain, and regret somehow. And maybe somewhere it wouldn't change what had happen in the past, but that's why they called it the past right? That if things went as planned which hopefully they would. Nash probably wouldn't be able to live with himself though he couldn't live with himself much now, but if anything happened to Talon. It would just be too much. He was already at the edge of his seat. He couldn't take much. But it would all be over soon right? These feeling wouldn't matter anymore right? Cause he would have Talon safe in his arms, and really that’s all he wanted.

He wouldn't make it up sometime later and that was something he was sure of. That if there was a second time around he would be a better man and that was one promise he was not going to break. He had already come this far he was only one step there. And now that he was he couldn't ever image going back. Yeah the pain he felt right now that pain that was bearing weight on his chest like an anchor, but he would do anything not to go back to that empty feeling. He wanted so much to have what he use to have with Talon the time when they were both happy. The on where Brook wasn't on a downward spiral. Those were the memories he missed the ones. The ones that had been like nightmares and made him realize how shitty he was living now, but they were the only memories he had of him being something better than what he was now. And Talon was apart of those memories more than anything else. She was that small piece of the puzzle that brought everything together. There wasn't Nash without Talon. The fear of losing her rushed through him like Adrenalin, but much worse. No a thousand times worse. So this was the feeling everyone got when they were about to lose someone they loved? That feeling of dread wash over a person. He hadn't felt such a thing before cause well it never had happened to him until now. And maybe it was that fear that drove him. The fear of losing her. That if he lost her he would also lose those memories away from him. That she wouldn't just be taking away her own life, but that huge chunk of his that was his reasons for living.

He knew what it meant to kill yourself and what it meant to want to die. He had felt these feeling all once before. He had no possible clue what he was doing. At the time it just seemed to simple. That it was just the easiest way to end everything the easiest way to end the pain. It made life a lot simpler when you just didn't care. Though he could look back at it and see how stupid and blind he was. And not to mention selfish thinking only about himself at the time. No clue about who he was hurting or effecting. The thought of being a burden weighed to heavily in his mind. That he was doing everyone a favor by getting rid of himself. It was just a bonus he didn't have to feel anymore. And when he was dead would it really matter who he effected? Would he care about the people he hurt? Probably not. Though he could remember the time right afterword’s when the wave of feeling like total shit hit him. You start to realize your mistake, but you don't want to admit them. So you do whatever you can to ignore them and pretend like their not there. When you know perfectly god damn well their ruining your life. It just so happened to be that Nash's escape root was alcohol. He wasn't thinking at the time. Was it because he didn't want to admit he had a problem or because he didn't know any other way out? He just couldn't think about it anymore. He couldn't think about him and this whole stupid mess he created. Every time he did it made him sick to his stomach. He only wished that this wasn't happening right now, but at the same it was for the best. Even though it's kind of hard to believe that if this hadn't happened. Nash might be living the same way. He just wished there could have been an easier way than this or that he wasn't as stupid and realized this before. That so non of this would never happened. And that he wouldn't be wishing anymore cause he would already have it in his arms.

One thing he was glad about was that he had arrived just in time at least in enough to know she wasn't dead. Though he couldn't help the stomach wrenching feeling he had. It had to be almost as worse as looking at him when he was drunk which he would admit out loud it wasn't the prettiest sight and neither was the one he was looking upon now. There wasn't anything he could say. He didn't want to speak. At first he had no clue what to do. The possible thought that this could be a dream still ran through his head. That maybe he would slowly start to become just that a dream. All of this had been a dream and that Talon and Nash weren't as fucked up and actually happy. But the cold hard truth was it wasn't. It was as real as night and day and it was all happening right in front of his eyes. Though his vision blurred by the tears which stung his cheek. He couldn't even stop the tears that flowed through him and didn't care in the slightest bit. It felt oddly good to cry. Like he was getting rid of a heavy load. He always thought it was weak to cry, but not now. Again he was only human it was natural. And maybe through his tears Talon could see all the hurt and pain and know he was only crying because he was the one who created it. And that she could be the one to get rid of it all if only she put the razor down. If she went into his arms. She could make all the bad just disappear. It was like walking in the other persons shoes. He couldn't exactly remember that night, but he could only image this was the pain she felt when she found him lying on the bathroom floor. It got him thinking. Maybe this is what he deserved, but she was just to good to lose.

“it doesn't have to be” He whispered in her direction. It couldn’t be too late could it? He didn't want to believe it and he wasn’t going to. His ignorance keeping him from stopping and his love for the girl before him the one thing driving him to save her. If there wasn't any time left then he was going to make some. And he wasn't going to use every minute he could to convince he he was wrong for all the things he did. That he wanted to make it up to her if he could. He could smell the blood and tears in the air almost suffocating him. Chocking on the words that threatened to leave his month. There was something deadly about it then again everything in the room was. Though slowly Nash was throwing away all the anger and pain. Right now he only wanted to feel what he had for Talon cause in the end he needed to use that to convince her to stay here with him. To truly mean what he says and know that there not a lie. He was sure the floor beneath them both would open up and swallow them whole. It felt like it as he watched her crumble to her knee's before him. He stared directly into her eyes. Listening to her words carefully trying to grasp them through the rigging in his ears. He licked his lips tasting his salting fresh tears. “I'll make it up to you I swear” His breath hitched. “I love you too much to let you go” and though he seemed to be crying harder he smiled at her. He reached her to touch her cheek then dropped it back down to his side. Then in a couple swift movements brought her to his chest. She could push him away all she wanted, but he wasn't going to let her go any time soon.

tag; Talon
words; 2016
outfit; heree
notes; new record! kind of shitty post though :/
credit; it was made my joey (xoxsilvermoonox) of CAUION 2.0 please leave the credit on, or i will use my rabid monkeys on you. [:

[TALON OLIVIA LAVENDER]

just give me all of your love,
THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER ASKED

Talon hadn't had the time to really think this through, she may have put the words together to make one think that she had, but if she were to be open and honest with herself she would have sat there and thought about what she was about to do, or even doing at the time. It was obvious that she hadn't wanted to die, why then would she have called Brooklyn? To have him see her in her worst state, or to save her? And the answer was obviously the latter. She hadn't wanted to leave him in the first place, never would she even dream of it unless it was literally for his good, and she knew her leaving him in this state, in this mind set, well, to say the least it wouldn't do him any good.

If she were to pass away right then and there the boy would not be in good hands. Without her there she was sure he would be in a wreck, and she didn't even have to think twice about it, she knew good and well he would. His sole existence (although it sounded rather cocky and big headed) was her. There was nothing in the world -to her knowledge- of something else he valued in life more then her, and she would understand if she was way off, it was just a guess after all. But she knew enough about him to understand that he would be more then devastated if she ever left his side. She was selfish to do this to him and she couldn't help the feelings she was now going through. Guilt, for putting him through all of this.

Out of everything the girl could feel it was that, and she wouldn't ever really understand why. It didn't really matter how many times he had done the same thing to her, it was the fact that she was going in and doing it to him back, even after knowing how much it really hurt her when she had went through it last year. It was a mindless thing to do and she couldn't believe she had ever thought about it. It was simple really, she had wanted him to go through what she had, she had wanted him to experience the pain and the feeling of helplessness. Because when it was him, she had had no idea what to do, her heart and mind were on him and on his well being at the time, even if she had no idea what to do. She was there with him throughout it all though, and she was hoping he would be there by her side for her experience as well.

She hadn't been smart about it, and she had made it way more complicated then it had to be. Once again if she had really planned on dying she would have made it quick, nearly effortless. But no, she had wanted to experience the pain, and she had wanted it to last. Maybe it was for her good after all, she finally knew that the pain of slowly losing him everyday took more of a toll on her then dying herself did. That was until she had started to feel light headed and dizzy. It hadn't started to hurt really, rather then the simple fact of the girl not knowing left from right, and good from bad. She didn't know what to think anymore, her mind had basically stopped working. It was now a matter of what she wanted to do, and what her heart told her to do.

Her heart was currently screaming at her, half-way because of the work she was putting it through by harming herself and then the other half in sheer terror of leaving the boy she loved so dearly behind. She couldn't do it, she had to stay here for him. She had to see if he really meant it this time, because if he did, it meant her life would change forever, and that was simply just something the girl didn't want to give up. Because if he meant it this time, it meant that he would try his hardest, and Talon would be able to tell if he did. She always could. He put in more effort if he was really trying, and it was such a relief to see, but she wouldn't know that until everything calmed down, and everything was normal again, although she was sure it wouldn't be that way for a while. When the ambulance would come, she knew they would put her in suicide watch immediately, and she knew they would take away her visiting hours along with simple rights she would have had if she were just staying in a patient room. She wasn't a patient this time, she would be coming in through the emergency, for attempted suicide.

The thought was enough to handle all in itself. But before she knew it she was on her knees before him, her eyes clearer then they had been ever since she had started this whole thing. The pain was a dull throb compared to what her heart and mind were going through, it was like every moment the two had shared before things had gotten rough flashed through her mind in a single second, the happy times, the times when it was just them two and no one else mattered. When drinking and getting addicted like he had wasn't even an option. It all raced through her head and she couldn't help but to give out a little gasp as it brought the pain of losing it all to her mind. She couldn't lose those memories, she couldn't lose him. Even though he wasn't the one going to be lost throughout it all.

She needed to get to the emergency room, and she needed to get there fast. She had to get things out first, and it was the reason she was on her knees now. That and being too dizzy to stand up. The tears were rolling down his face just as hard as they were trailing down hers and it just made everything worse for her. The pain of putting him through this was eating at her heart and soul and she couldn't help but silently rebuke herself for doing it to him. Not after what she had experienced. Had she really thought that him being here alone would be better for him? Had she really thought that he would be okay and normal after she was gone? What the hell had she been thinking? It was obviously for selfish reasons. She had wanted to get away from the pain herself, and really, it was understandable. Even though she knew he had went through a lot of pain since the whole thing started, she mattered too.

In this aspect at least. The girl had been promised dozens of things time and time again, and each and every time he would screw it up one way or another, or make things worse for her. It was like he set her up for failure and she was surprised every single time when things didn't turn out right or he simply forgot. Each promise that was given to her by Nash was taken with heed, she could never know for sure if he meant what he said or not, and it wasn't like she could count on him, or not count on him each time. Because sometimes he did do right, and sometimes he did come through, but there was also those other times where he promised and never came through with his promises. It wasn't half and half though, there were more broken promises then not, and ever since he had treated her that way, the girl had opted not to believe what he said, she had been tired of the disappointment, she didn't deserve it.

So basically, she wasn't saying she deserved the best, and she certainly wasn't saying that he wasn't what she needed at the time, she was simply saying that at the time, she had needed better from him, and he simply wasn't meeting that need. With every promise he had given her the girl had shook her head and shrugged her shoulders, the broken promises simply growing in number before she stopped hoping. The girl's hopes and dreams were fading now, and it had become what she now felt. Numb. Except this feeling now was anything but numb, she had never felt more alive. Which was funny since this simple action was bringing her closer to death then she had ever been, or wanted to be honestly. If she didn't get help soon though, she knew the end would come fast, she couldn't help it though, this moment was more then necessary. She couldn't be taken under without him knowing how she felt, and her heart being exposed to him.

His simple whispered words brought her mind back on him and she couldn't stifle the small whimper that escaped her lips. The pain wasn't dull anymore, even if her mind wasn't on it, she could still feel the blood gushing from the wounds, her head feeling lighter then ever. She needed support, and he was the closest thing she had to lean on. But she couldn't bring herself to move closer to him, not yet. It just wasn't the right timing. So here they stood, on their knees before each other, both of their cheeks wet with the tears they were shedding over this awful situation, but both of them not really knowing what to say besides silent pleads for her to stay and the girl telling him it was just simply too late. She knew it wasn't, but she was starting to feel like it was. Maybe he had gotten there too late, it honestly felt as if she had bled all of the blood in her body, it felt as if she were dying a slow, slow death, and she knew that was what she had intended in the first place, she had never thought it would come true though, death wasn't very peaceful. It was long, and drawn out, and the many thoughts that occurred in her mind was enough to make her want to grip the razor that laid temptingly on the bathroom floor and slit her throat open. She wouldn't though, she hadn't seen emotion out of Nash since those few years ago, and it was enough to keep her here with him.

She had no other reason to stay. He whispered on, telling her that he would make it up to her somehow, and that he loved her too much to let her go, and that was it. It was all it took for Talon to want to go to him, and as his hand grazed her cheek before dropping back to his sides, she couldn't help but nuzzle her face into his touch, despite the situation and despite the sharp pain on her wrists she took her time to show him that she loved him back. Her thoughts were beginning to slow down the more time that passed by, seeming like an eternity even though she knew it was only mere seconds and milliseconds. On her knees the girl began to sway, she would have fallen into his arms if he hadn't scooped her up in his arms and pulled her to his chest.

It didn't take long to crumble into him, and she knew it was a safe place, at least now it was. She wouldn't have really cared if it wasn't one. Right now, it was what she needed as her mind began to slow down, she needed help. It was then that her body slumped forward onto him as her arms limply hung around his waist, slipping in and out of consciousness as the tears started to slow down before they quit. I... ilove..you.. the words were merely a whisper, her eyes fluttering shut as she spoke them. Talon was entering the final stages of her suicide. She needed to be taken to the emergency room and fast, before this really became the end.

TAG jay and nash<3
WORDS 2032
MUSE so much<3
NOTES bahhh :3