JAMES, CAMERON ISAAC

[cameron]

SEVENTEEN. HIGH SCHOOL. HOMOSEXUAL. SWEETHEART. ALEX EVANS.
( CAMERON ISAAC JAMES )

I SEE YOUR EYES, YOU'RE BARELY SOBER.
I HEAR YOUR VOICE, YOU'RE CALLING OUT FROM ME TO YOU.
the character

personality. honestly, i don't believe i'm a special guy. most of the time, i'm off by myself, writing or drawing. i have a hard time making friends and it takes me a while to get comfortable with someone. i'm always worrying about what people are thinking about me. i hate being judged. i'm so sensitive, which makes me a perfect target for bullies. for years, i've dealt with being bullied. i've never cried in public because of it, but i always came home in tears and hid in my room for the rest of the day. it's pathetic really, but bullies are even more pathetic than i will ever be.

truth be told, i am gay. there's nothing i can do about it either, and trust me, i have tried to change it. i don't have a problem with girls until they start throwing rumors around and stirring up some drama just for shits and giggles. i try to stay away from girls because they're generally nothing but trouble. but sometimes i will come across a nice girl who i can maybe call a friend. it's a bit harder to be friends with guys, especially the really cute ones that are as straight as an arrow. it gives me so much relief when a guy announces to me that he is gay, or bisexual, or i figure it out on my own by how he acts. i'm asexual, as well . . the thought of sex kind of repulses me. it's kinda complicated and hard to understand.

i've been told i'm a complete sweetheart, which i would have to agree that i am. i'm not necessarily shy, but i'm very quiet. if no one is talking to me directly, i choose to sit and observe. i guess it's just that human behavior interests me; it must mean i am destined to become a psychologist. anyways, i am also a very caring person, and quite empathetic. i can give good advice even if i have not been in a situation; most likely, i had observed a similar situation. i find satisfaction in comforting my friends or family who are in distress. it makes me feel wanted and needed.

i'm also a bit of a perfectionist. if you saw my room at home, you would notice it is nearly spotless. i keep my dorm this way too, and if i have a messy roommate, that could easily get my blood boiling. i'm generally tolerant of others' bad habits, though. i guess it's better to help than scoff and call someone a dirty pig, huh? that's exactly what i do; i offer help, and if i get denied, that's fine. i won't take it any further. i'll maybe just kick their dirty clothes to their side of the room and leave it at that.

if you're one of the lucky ones that gets to see the more fun side of me, you will learn i am not always mellow. i become more talkative once i open up. i like to crack jokes and make people laugh or smile. i'm constantly smiling myself. even if i feel crappy, i still smile to hide what i am feeling deep down. i don't like when other people know when i'm feeling down, because then they feel down too. if i need to vent, i'll talk to a very close friend.

i am very loyal, believe it or not. my friends will forever mean the world to me, and it hurts me so much when they decide to leave me behind. i never push a friend away and i will always drop whatever i am doing just for them. i stay by their side through thick and thin. however, if they decide to stab me in the back, i will never forgive them. i'm definitely a grudge holder. it's hard for me to forgive and forget.

like i said before, i'm not super great or special in any way. i'm not even your average guy. i'm kind of just one of those guys you don't really notice. i often just fade into the background and go with the flow. i'm someone who sits in the dark at night with my laptop and watch movies on netflix while most likely stuffing my face with greasy potato chips. oh, i can also speak fluent french. mom taught me it. guess it'll come in handy some day.


history. i was the first born child of isaac and sarah james. two years later came my little sister, carmen. (i still wonder why my parents gave us very similar names.) i was not born in kingsford, but i wasn't far away considering i was still in the same state. but i was born in a decent sized city in the bay area. it wasn't a happy little town, so there were gangs and a lot of bullies at school.

the first time i was bullied was in second grade. preschool, kindergarten, and first grade were a breeze. i proved to be a very intelligent child, and i learned fast. i was also more "mature" i guess you could say, since i didn't throw tantrums or talk during class. even at that age, i preferred to stay out of trouble. anyways.. in second grade, a boy came up to me. he was a grade above me i think, and he was very big. that's all i remember. i mean, he was HUGE. not just in height, but also around if you get my drift. i guess he used this to his advantage.. to intimidate me more than i already was. all he did was say i looked like a walking stick. i'm not sure why that upset me so much, but it did to the point where i went to the nurse and went home sick and cried in my mother's lap. carmen even cried with me, and i don't think she knew what was going on.

a few years went by.. the bullying continued because i always ended up running into the bully that said i looked like a walking stick. by this time, i was also beginning to discover my sexuality; i was more attracted to boys than girls. now in sixth grade -- the bully was in seventh -- he came over to me in the school yard one day. i was sitting on a bench, innocently drawing a dragon. it was turning out so good, and i was just fixing it up, when he tore the paper right out of my sketch book and ripped it to shreds. i think he even bit a piece and ate it! i was terrified. he then started swearing at me, calling me a fag, a queer, and everything else in the damn book. some of the words i didn't even know what they meant until later. i didn't go home that day, but i was upset the rest of the day. i isolated myself in my room when i came home.

high school finally decided to come around. the bully that followed me throughout elementary school and junior high was gone. i finally felt okay. by now, i was sure i was gay. i hadn't tried dating anyone, although a few girls did ask me to one of the dances. i immediately felt guilty after rejecting them all. i had one friend, though. she was a grade above me, but she was sort of like me in a way. she was quiet, a bit of a loner. she hated people, though. except me. i was an exception, which made me feel special. when the dance finally came around to end my freshman year, i took her to it. we went just as friends, but at the end of the night, she kissed me before she got into her mother's car and left. i never saw her again.

halfway through my sophomore year of high school, my parents packed carmen and i up and off we went to kingsford. needless to say, it's a nice city and i hope i can live here in peace.

SO SAY THAT YOU JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY.
AND REPLAY ALL THE THINGS THAT I TRIED TO SAY.
behind the character

hey bitches, it's beckett and i've been pimpin' these hoes for about twelve million years. i know right, it's great isn't it? need to get a hold of me? hit me up at PM, AIM, MSN, EMAIL, etc. i'm also in the pacific just so you know. don't need to be telling you people twice. also meet the rest of my lovely babies, oliver troy everett!

Cael sat on the edge of her bed in her apartment, staring down at the floor in thought. She was fully dressed in a pair of jodhpurs, a grey t-shirt that said, "In riding a horse, we borrow freedom." under a black horse and rider silhouette, and her tall black boots were zipped up all the way. She looked up toward her nightstand and glared menacingly at the clock that sat innocently on it. It was one of those really hard mornings where she didn't want to get up and do what she had to do. Being an adult, she had responsibilities, she knew that, but sometimes it was just hard. Really hard. So hard, that she just wanted to give up. But giving up meant she was already failing in life, and she was only twenty-one years old.

With that, she sighed and picked herself up off the edge of the bed and left her apartment with her keys and phone. The morning sun was shining bright in her blue eyes and she squinted momentarily before they adjusted to the harsh and sudden light. "Another day, another fucking dollar," she muttered to herself. This wasn't going to be a good day, she could already tell. It wasn't because of anything anyone else could see, she was just feeling more anxious than usual. Why, she didn't know, since she had been coming to the stable without much of a problem--except the first time, but that was not a rare occurrence. It must of just been her brain going out of whack. Inside her mind, she was going completely bonkers. Her hand was a bit shaky as she reached to open the door of her beastly GMC white truck. And then, she jumped in, and the engine roared to life just as she shut the door.

Sweat was already beginning to form on her brow as she gripped the steering wheel and finally drove away from the apartment building. Sitting silently on the passenger's seat was her Droid X, and it vibrated loudly, startling her a bit. She didn't reach for it, just on driving with only one glance toward it. As she arrived at the stable, she smiled wanly as she looked over at the horses in the pastures. Quite a few came galloping up to the fence and she figured it was because they knew the truck well enough. She was a stable hand after all, and she figured the horses knew her as the feed lady--or one of them.

After grabbing her phone, she stepped out of her truck and locked it. The smell of horses hit her like a brick in the face and she immediately felt at home. She inhaled deeply like she was smelling a sweet rose and grinned to herself. Finally looking over the text message, she sighed. It was from her uncle, James. He always seemed to text her at just the right time. She typed up a text real quick: "Hey! Sorry, I'm at work right now. I'll call you later, maybe?" Satisfied with the message, she sent it and slid the phone shut to hide the QWERTY keyboard, and then she stuck it into the pocket of her jodhpurs.

Cael looked around at the stable yard curiously and then up at the clear blue sky. No one was really around, except the other stable hands of course. It was about nine in the morning, but she expected to see a few people riding, since they preferred to before it got crowded. She walked swiftly into the main barn and began by mucking out the stalls; once she was done with those, she would move to a different barn. One by one, she mucked each stall and returned the horse afterward. Once all the stalls she was responsible for were clean, she fed each horse. While they ate, she would groom them, taking off any dirt and shavings that may of accumulated on their coats. This day may of started out kind of crappy, but it was starting to get better.

Glancing at her phone, she saw she had been working a full three hours, almost four actually. Smiling, she placed her hands loosely on her hips as she stood in the center of the aisle. A girl rudely shoved her way past Cael and didn't even turn around to apologize. Shrugging her shoulders and rolling her eyes slightly, she left the barn and went into the stallion barn. A smile appeared on her lips as she approached the stall with the golden plate that read, "Death by Dakota." Leaning against the door, she stared at her beautiful stallion. He looked half asleep and very unaware as he munched on his grain.

"Aren't you gonna say hi to me, handsome?" she asked the stallion as if he were a person. Dakota immediately pricked his ears and pulled his nose out of his feed bucket. He approached the stall door and nickered gently toward Cael. "Aww. That's my good boy," she cooed to him and stroked his forehead. She was going to ride today, but knew she probably would have to do more chores like helping the bossy teenagers groom their horses . . . great. But, until that happened, she would stay with Dakota. She picked up a brush from the grooming box near his stall before going inside. She groomed him slowly and quietly, talking to him in a soft whisper all the while.

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