LANE, sierra jane

[sierra]

NINETEEN. LOCAL. HETEROSEXUAL. STARTING OVER. JOJO B.
( SIERRA JANE LANE )

I SEE YOUR EYES, YOU'RE BARELY SOBER.
I HEAR YOUR VOICE, YOU'RE CALLING OUT FROM ME TO YOU.
the character

i.. don't understand why you wanted me to come here today, you know i am moving, right? so.. is this some sort of goodbye statement for future references? uhmhmm.. hello? i'm sierra, yeah, nice to meet you~ i.. don't know why i am here, but i guess i could talk about myself a bit. i come from minneapolis, minnesota and i lived there for a while with my mom and whomever she was with at the moment, which changed way too often, really it was annoying. i never got along with her very well, and i still don't, which is pretty much why i am moving away, kinda.. i really just wanna get away and see something new, you know? /chuckles. well, my mother is danielle lane, she is a.. dancer of sorts and she tends to take care of a handful of men at a time. we never had a relationship on a mother to daughter level, but we didn't really hate each other. i was kind of just living in her house, and she didn't pay much attention to me. my grandparents paid for my schooling, for the most part, because my mom didn't make enough money for two people. i was never good at math in school, i don't know why, but i really like chemistry. the only math i could do was when it was related to a sort of science, really, but nothing further. actually, being a chemistry teacher is a secret want of mine... that's really not important, though...

i started drinking when i was in ninth grade, and smoked my first bowl when i was sixteen. the people i hung around had, what seemed to be, an endless supply. can't say i am addicted to either of 'em, but they're not something i can stop whenever i like. my mom liked to blow things out of proportion and say i was an alcoholic, when really, she drank more than i did. anything to boost her ego, though. there isn't much more detail i can go into with those two things. i get my hands on drinks or weed when i want some, my hookah is my baby.. but you already knew that, right? i think we've talked about it. on the list of firsts, you could note i started talking to a counselor in middle school for small things that were family-related. mostly about not knowing my dad, but the deeper stuff about things came around last year. and are ending now, seeing as i am starting over. also, i am an only child, as far as i am concerned.

sex? i lost my virginity when i was drunk a while back, i think i was about fifteen/sixteen. yeah, i kinda regret it but moping won't bring it back to me. i don't throw sex around like my mom did, i won't sleep with someone for their money, but i am a growing woman with hormones, get off my back. /smirks. i don't have any children, it is—like i said, just me and my mom. soon to be just me. where am i going? california, someone hooked me a place called kingsford. i have talked to employers and think i might have a job waiting for me. i can't tell if i am happy or nervous, i mean.. i have my rent paid and enough to get me through plus whatever i'll be making at this job.. so i shouldn't be nervous, but i am going to be out of my element. i get to have the freedom i never had before and have fun.

excited for.. hmm.. i am pretty excited to be able to go to the beach and skateboard in the sunlight instead of being cooped up in the cold winter nights. i heard the parties and weed are good in cali, so maybe i will get in on the scene. nothing too deep, but enough to have fun. i think getting used to the weather is going to be the hardest, i am so used to nice, cool nights and now i am going to a warm ass state.. i can't say i am excited, or that i will like it, but whatever. being warm isn't something i quite like, i'll just have to stay in the water a lot. perhaps i'll pick up on my painting and drawing and things.. maybe i'll be able to get more tattoos and stuff like that over there, you know how i do with that kinda stuff. and, well, i just hope i am not stuck alone over there like i tend to be here. sure, i kinda bring that upon myself, but i hope to be able to open up a little more and stuff. we all know i can be a bit.. cut off from people and stuff like that depending on my mood. but yeah, my likes haven't shifted since we first started talking, i'm still really into video games—mario, zelda, final fantasy and bloody roar, in particular, movies i love them. mulan is my thing right now, donnie darko makes me kinda think of myself with the nightmares, but whatever! any musical has been tickling my fancy, or cheesy 80s movies. i still have my little infatuation with spiders... and my dislikes are as they were before, being overwhelmed by one temperature, being by myself for an extended amount of time when i don't wanna be alone, my mom orrrr stuff like that. just look back on the conversations.

my ocd isn't changing much at all, i still have a fixation on hands. always, like i can't get away from it. someone'll wave at me and it will be the first thing i look at. /looks at her hands. i feel like i need to touch them, and most of the time i do. i need to work on my judgment problem, having bad hands doesn't make someone a bad person. no one knows where my hand thing came from, and no one really seems to care, but i've always had a... thing about hands, if your hands are dirty or unkempt, then it is a turn-off as a person. big hands are my favorite, then ones that are bigger than mine, at least.. it leaves me feeling protected, which is kinda stupid, i know.. people sometimes get a little creeped out, but i can't help it. my brain screams 'look at their hands, ask if you can see them. touch them' whatever, if people don't like it, they don't need to stick around.

since we first started this whole thing, i have changed a bit, which i am sure you've noticed—physically. instead of one nostril i have them both pierced, and i got my naval pierced... uh, my tragus is still pierced? the roses on my shoulders got colored in, and then i got my side tattoo'd, it says 'beloved'. i really, really like it, to be honest. the script is so pretty. my weight has lowered to about.. one twenty, and my height is still five-foot four-inches. also, i noticed i have a really big ass.. and thighs, which is kinda gross, but i am of latino heritage.. can't say i am too happy with my body and all, but it's what i got and shouldn't complain. i think you told me that one time..

it's not like i am a sad person, which a lot of people get confused, seeing as i talk to a therapist. actually, i guess you could say i am getting a bit happier as i go; having someone to talk to, such as yourself, is nice to get all the negative out and keep the good me on track. i'm not stupid, either.. sometimes i have my moments, don't we all? i can't be a genius all the time, only part of the time, /chuckles. i don't really know what to say, trying to explain myself is hard. i like to have fun but i know that there is a time to be serious. some people won't like me and others just might, some genuine others fake, it's a sick, sad world we live in.

i think this'll be good for me, though. a new scene, new people.. hopefully new friends.

-Excerpt from Sierra's final session; age eighteen, 2/13/10.

SO SAY THAT YOU JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY.
AND REPLAY ALL THE THINGS THAT I TRIED TO SAY.
behind the character

hhey bitches, it's manda and i've been pimpin' these hoes for about six years. i know right, it's great isn't it? need to get a hold of me? hit me up by pm or msn. i'm also in the central time zone just so you know. don't need to be telling you people twice.

i'm really glad you asked me for a rp example when I have like.. none. |: oh well, rawrr~ has roleplayed with me, and this is the best i've got;

It's amazing how a text can just shock a person, much like what had happened with Sophia just earlier that day. Sure, it was a bit of a nuisance to get a text message when she was grading assignments ( much like she always was ), but it was actually worth it. Just the name itself made her do a double take, making sure someone wasn't fooling with her; the name was common, sure, but she knew exactly who it was it belonged to. The memories from her not-so-glory days, being a bitch to anyone who looked at her wrong; except for a select few who she cared about, and that name belonged to one of the few. 'Jacob', it was simple, nothing too extravagant or overdone, but meaningful nonetheless, enough to bring a quick smile to her face.

The way he worded everything was enough to have her on the edge of excitement and worry; and the fact she was going to see him for the first time in.. god knows how many years had her giddy like a little school girl. Overreacting? Maybe, but who could blame her? Seeing one of her best friends for the first time in years, and all this from a text. A simple text was enough to get her wound up, enough to get her off the couch and to the shower; digging through all the clothes she'd wasted her money on and taking time on her appearance, and for the first time in a long time, it got her nervous. Put her in front of an uncountable number of people and make her explain the Pythagorean Theorem, with no practice? Any day, she'd kill for it, but have her meet up with an old best friend, one she actually cared about, from back in high school.. No thanks, her nerves will run her into the ground.

And, yes, that was exactly what was flying through her mind as she walked down the sidewalk, eyes glued to the ground, watching herself walk. It was one of those 'am i too dressed up? too dressed down, maybe? god i always give the worst impressions this time around. maybe i should have said no..' kind of nights. Everything was to be second-guessed, and couldn't be right if it seemed moderately optimistic. Doubts were flying through her head with each step, about her appearance or how much they may have changed, about it being surreal or just too random to be right. Have you ever had one of those days? The feeling was absolutely alien to Sophia, the feeling of confidence in what she was doing seemed to be rather normal to this gal, but there was just something about the whole idea that had her out of the mindset.

One last right and she paused, looking up at the large sign that read 'STARBUCKS'. Reassurance, right now, she needed it; pulling her phone from her clutch, Sophia checked the time and ran her finger down the screen, opening up the conversation between the two. She skimmed it, her eyes flicking back and forth quickly as she scrolled down and read what she had been looking for 'outside of Starbucks .. ..@ 7'. On time and at the right place, she just stood there; how odd would it be to see a woman, arms crossed, standing beside a slow-running Starbucks? Who would put one and one together, realizing it was just a lady waiting for another. Personally, she felt a bit silly, but kept a smile on as she looked down, sliding her phone away and kept looking down for a bit of time. So she was a little early, as long as she didn't freeze her ass off, it was okay; the chill was just casually creeping up on her.

Finally, though, she looked up—something had been telling her to for a short amount of time, and the smile grew slightly; it was a bit surreal, you know, as if it was a dream. After disappearing into the Marines for such a length of time, it was to be delight to see him. Especially in one piece.