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Post by TALON OLIVIA LAVENDER on Feb 2, 2011 20:45:51 GMT -5
 Talon hated herself. No, not really, but she had never been so close to hating herself more then she was right now. She was thinking of him. Again. And she didn't need to be. How many times had he hurt her? How many times had he told her he would quit for her only to be lying to her face the whole time? Too many times to count and too many times to remember. The girl was an idiot. She knew that much. She tried to stay away from him, well, tried being used very loosely. She loved him, and she couldn't get over that fact. She always had loved him, and if this wasn't proof enough she wasn't sure what would be. The girl had been doomed from the very beginning when it came to Brooklyn.
She missed the way things used to be, back when he was sober, and loving. Not that he wasn't that loving anymore, because he was. It was just mixed in with his love for alcohol and breaking promises. He might not have meant to break them, but he did, on a regular basis. It had gotten to the point where the girl wasn't sure if she could trust him anymore. It was heart breaking really and the girl couldn't count how many times she had fallen asleep crying because of him. And throughout it all, she still loved him. And he knew that. It was like he dangled that single fact in front of her face, knowing she would always come back to him. Well, he didn't know that, and little did he know, the girl was getting tired of it, rather fast. She couldn't leave him though, not that they were exactly 'on' right now. It was more of an in-between feeling.
The girl didn't know what to do anymore, she couldn't trust him. She was tired of being hurt. But she wanted to, especially when he wasn't being an ass to her. Which was quite often lately. He always did that to her, always played with her emotions until she wasn't sure how he was acting. It was how he was acting right now, and she couldn't stand it. One minute she felt sorry for him and then another minute she couldn't stand him. One minute she wanted him and another she didn't want to be around him. Life was funny like that. You never know how you feel, and it was certainly true in her case, in fact, she probably had a double dose.
She was just glad that he hadn't gotten another lovely idea to throw himself in front of a semi-truck. Talon had never been so scared in her entire life. She was just glad that she had been there to save him. Just like she did every time. One call, and she was there for him, every. single. time. It wasn't like she could stop being there for him either.. no, that would never happen. Because when she stopped caring, everyone did. And then he would be dead. And Talon couldn't handle that. Without him, her life would be void of any purpose. As pathetic as it sounded she didn't care, she needed him. She wouldn't let him take that away from her, it was the only thing she could do.
She knew he cared about her, she knew that he loved her too, it was just hard to see him like this. Not when she knew how he could be sober. Now it seemed like all he could do to put away a beer can. It was his life now, and she couldn't stand it. Sighing softly the girl made her way to the park, sitting alone in the swing as she checked her phone for any received messages. She had sent one to him an hour ago, asking him to meet her here. She didn't know why, and she wouldn't know. She just wanted to see him....without the beer. That was all she asked for, to be sure he could do that for her for at least an hour? Either that or he wouldn't show, or he would break his promise and arrive with a cold one in his hand. The girl's eyes rolled in disgust. She hoped not, but time would only tell, now wouldn't it?
TAG jay and nash<3
WORDS 722
MUSE a bunch<3
NOTES d'awhhh i love them :3
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Post by brook2 on Feb 2, 2011 22:39:24 GMT -5
 God bless the coffin they carry me off in
( THEY CARRY ME OFF IN ) Nash came off as an asshole, drunk, and a loser. His life wasn't together and most of it was falling to pieces. Though life for the male was never easy. Nash just thought being a fuck up ran in the family. He didn't think much of consequences or really he didn't care. He didn't stop and think about who he was effecting, he never took in consideration of other peoples feelings. Though half the people in his life wanted nothing to do with him or very little. That was fine by him. He would be alone for the rest of his life. He was pretty much cold and bitter now, being alone wouldn't change much. Wouldn't change that feeling. It felt weird at times or difficult to just keep carrying on. And the male couldn't tell if that was the alcohol talking or just him going insane. It didn't matter how much he didn't give a fuck about his own life falling apart. A part of him was still holding onto a small piece. You know that one thing you just don't want to get rid of. Call him a dirt bag. A piece of shit. Nash was just waiting for someone to call him something he didn't know. Though this didn't make him want to change his ways any more than if someone wasn't yelling at him to get his life together. It was probably him just being hard headed or stubborn, but the more people told him what to do the more he just wanted to do the opposite. Brooklyn was like that. He had always been like that wild and crazy. A punk who broke all the rules. Tell him to go jump off a bridge and he'd be like 'how high?'. It was the alcohol that made Nash's life a turn for the worse or at least his decision to drink the stuff. You couldn't really blame the alcohol for ruining everything in his life. Though if it was just a person you could tell to go away and never come back. Life would probably be much simpler. Brooklyn was a dirt bag for many reasons. Maybe it was because he lied constantly or broke his promises. Though one of his many famous excuses while drunk was 'i changed my mind'. Nash couldn't even remember what he promised in the first place when it got to that point. Though he would shrug it off like it didn't matter like every time Talon and him got into an argument where she would end up in tears, that didn't matter. He always told himself that line. That the next day he wouldn't remember a thing and it would all be over. He would still forever remain an asshole. Talon would be heartbroken. And Brooklyn would be wondering to himself why she bothered with his sorry ass. Maybe she had put up with him because she had done it for so long. Hell he didn't have a fucking clue. Or maybe it was because she remembered a time before this. When he was loving and sweet. Before alcohol was a bigger part of his life than her. He had pretty much screwed up big time, but when was the last time he hadn't? He was over at Nicks. Almost always over at Nicks house. His house was too much of a hell hole to stay under, plus Nick always provided him with fresh ones. Nash liked Nick cause he wasn't out to change him though he wasn't better off. That didn't matter to the male who was getting wasted off his ass. They could be fuck ups together. His phone went off countless times in his pocket. Knowing who they were from he just didn't feel like answering it. She was probably waiting for him to get run over by a bus. At least with ever sip he slowly started to believe that. For all he knew he could have been bi-polar. His rapped change in mood. From wanting to get wasted off his ass to wanting to be left alone. Then again it was probably just the amount of alcohol abuse over the years. It didn't matter what it was. He didn't want to be here anymore. He could have walked back home, but he had somewhere to be. Maybe depending if the reason he was suppose to be there was still there. He asked Nick to drive him to the park after reading through all his text messages. He didn't bother to say he was coming. It was probably to late now. Though he wouldn't be arriving with a cold one, he would defiantly arrive with the linger Jack Daniels on his breath. It was amazing how even with being drunk as he was. While the car pulled up he could still see Talons figure on the bench waiting. The car door opened and a tall lean male staggered forward. It was him obviously. Though wondering to himself why he even made an attempt to show up after this long. The girl in front of him probably wondering the same thing. He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. He really didn't bother to sit down though he was having trouble standing he looked back down at Talon. "Sorry I'm late" Which could have been a complete and total lie because if he was he probably wouldn't have done it for the thousandth time. tag; Talon words;942 outfit; heree notes; me tooo :] credit; it was made my joey (xoxsilvermoonox) of CAUION 2.0 please leave the credit on, or i will use my rabid monkeys on you. [:
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Post by TALON OLIVIA LAVENDER on Feb 3, 2011 17:05:03 GMT -5
Talon didn't really know why she had texted him. Maybe it was the desperate last attempt to have him in her life, she would never know. She always ran back to him. She always forgave him and told him that they would get through this. She was stupid. She knew that. And she was proving herself right time after time. It was getting old, she knew, but the girl couldn't find it in her to sever all ties with Nash. She just couldn't. He had been too much of her past and.. for a good while she had thought he would be a part of her future. But the way things were looking right now, he wanted nothing to do with her. Not really. If he did want anything to do with her, he would put more effort into .. them. Whatever the hell they were. She surely didn't fucking know.
She had been trying to figure it out for years now. Years that had started off as good, but slowly became worse and worse. She didn't know what to do, and she didn't know how to fix him. She had thought that her love was enough.. it wasn't. He always ended up back in the same position, with another drink in hand. There was nothing that the girl could offer him, nothing that she could give in place of his stupid alcohol, as many times as she had tried, he just wouldn't give it up. She didn't understand. What made it so important, and when had the vile liquid become more important than her? The change had been quite sudden. One day he was the Brooklyn she knew and loved and then the next day it was like he had changed personalities and became someone who she almost loathed to see.
He was late. Again. Talon shook her head and sighed softly as she pushed her legs to swing herself back and forth. Making sure not to go too high but pumping her legs enough to keep up a steady swing. Her mind was racing. He was probably getting drunk right now, with one of his friends, most likely nick. She hated crying over him, and this was certainly one of those times. She didn't want to, she didn't want to think of him like this, she didn't really want to have anything to do with him anymore. Even if she was 'the only one he would do this and that for'. She had hear it all a million times before, but it still didn't change the fact that he put his alcohol and depression before her. She was tired of it, but she knew she couldn't give up on him. She never could. Because when she stopped putting forth an effort to care about him, he did too. And that would be when she found him dead on the side of the road, or worse.. And her mind didn't want to wrap around the idea of something worse happening to him. She just couldn't.
Talon couldn't mistake the car that pulled up on the curb, she was sure nick was drunk too, and by the looks of things, Nash was his normal self. Or at least the normal Nash that she had become used to seeing. The drunk one. She watched him stagger forward, eying her as he walked closer. Her jaw clenched shut as he came closer, not daring to speak a word. Her hand instinctively coming up to her face to wipe away a tear that had fallen as she had been waiting for him. So many wasted tears she had shed for him. All in vain too, she knew he wouldn't ever say sorry for the tears that had been cried over him, of course he told her sorry every chance he got, but if one was truly sorry, wouldn't they try not to do it again? At least that was what Talon thought, and she had yet to see the boy be truly remorseful. Not even once.
Of course, she knew things could be worse, he could have just opted not to come at all.. at least he put in that effort. But she knew it was just a vain attempt to try and make things better. She had always done that when it came to Nash, always making up excuses for him so he didn't seem so careless. That was exactly what he was though, he was selfish, and didn't care about anyone but himself. Of course he would beg to differ, and say that she was the only thing, but if that were true, things wouldn't be like this. She knew that for a fact. The girl was heartbroken, but it wasn't like she could show it, she had to stay strong and keep up her independence when she was around him, because if she didn't, her world would crumble right before him. So many times she had ended up in tears before him, it had to stop.
the girl shook her head as he came close enough to speak to her, jaw still clenched tight, not daring to speak until she knew she had composure. Over tears, and over her anger, and over any emotion that she didn't want him to see. She was good at that... hiding things. It wasn't like he payed close enough attention to her to notice the small things anyway, she should have known that. whatever was all she could muster out, shaking her head again as she turned to look to her side, away from him as fresh tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. Late again. surprise surprise.
TAG jay and nash<3
WORDS 943
MUSE amazing<3
NOTES awh :c
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Post by brook2 on Feb 3, 2011 19:01:54 GMT -5
God bless the coffin they carry me off in
( THEY CARRY ME OFF IN ) Things in Brooklyn's life could turn from bad to worse in the snap of a finger. It could have nothing to with Talon which at most times it was. It didn't stop him from taking everything out on her. If not shutting her out along with the rest of the world. And alcohol seem to be his only escape route. The best choice? No, but one he was use to. He was mostly torn between everything in his life. Though really he didn't seem to care much about the choices he made. It could have been that simple fact the reason he was such a douche cause no matter what happened or who he effected. He would keep on living, keep on not caring. He always had a 'I don't give a fuck attitude' about him. It was what probably drove others away from him. That maybe he wouldn't be so alone if it weren't for that. Though being alone didn't bother him, and the feeling of loneliness. Well he ignored it. Thinking about it now Brooklyn was going through a very hard time right before you could say he 'fell' for Talon. They had met through a friend. Of course something cliche like that. Back then he looked a little rough around the edge's, but back then he seemed to know where he was going like he had a destination. That 'I don't give a fuck' attitude was directed towards everything going wrong in his life, and Talon was just another reason to keep moving on. She brought out the best of him when no one else could. It felt right being there. Lucky for Talon she got something out of him that no one else could, and that was his love. Or guess thats what you could have called it at the time. He didn't think he was capable of such a thing and he never thought anyone was capable of loving him back. Talon proved him wrong. Then when everything was going wrong at least one thing was going right. No one really had a clue why Nash had to go screw up everything good in his life and he didn't have much of a clue either. He had taken his drinking just a little too far. Then when his family came into the picture or what was left of it. It drove him over the edge. It was like he was trying to prove to them how much he didn't care. So that's how much he didn't give a fuck, enough to drink. He was just dragging everyone down with him, and if they really cared they would stay and if not then he was better off without them. Being selfish was in his nature except when things were going good with Talon he didn't want to show her that side. Actually there wasn't a lot he didn't tell Talon. He didn't want to bring her into all of that. And really he had it in his head that she was better off not knowing. Despite the male going out to get drunk constantly, he was more distant than before. He stopped trying to make friends. He didn't find any interest in getting close with anybody. The only friends he had now you could say were the ones who hadn't left yet and had been with him for a while now. He was still wondering why they were holding on to. Not to mention they probably babysat as much as Talon and had to put up with just as much shit. Knowing Nash if it was the other way around he would have left by now. Though most were probably waiting for the old Brooklyn to come back. It seemed more like he was just being an ass to get people to go away except there was much more to it. He knew himself from own experience one-sided or not the less a person cared, the less chance of that person getting hurt. At least that's how Nash saw it. He stumbled in front of her obviously not able to stand up right. His hair unbrushed and in a mess laying flat on his shoulders. He let his eyes fall upon Talon waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dark while at the same time not wanting to. Knowing he would catch a glance of hurt on his face, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. He couldn't help, but to sigh and roll his eyes at her comment. It was like 'whatever' was her favorite word or something. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared at her hard and long. What was he suppose to say? Was there anything he could say? He couldn't exactly remember why she invited him to the park in the first place. "It's not whatever though is it?" He was right. It would never be 'whatever' cause something would always be wrong. When they were like this, they could tell themselves 'whatever' as much as they wanted to. Wouldn't change the fact that everything wasn't as easy as just 'whatever' He groaned an almost low throaty cough. He walked forward a couple steps and turned around to sit down beside Talon. Even with the slight breeze he could smell the own liquor on his breath. He wasn't staring at her anymore, but now at his feet. Waiting for her to respond. To say anything really. Feeling a lump in his throat he didn't dare speak even if he had a clue what to say. Afraid that no matter what he would choke on his own lies. tag; Talon words;970 outfit; heree notes; me tooo :] credit; it was made my joey (xoxsilvermoonox) of CAUION 2.0 please leave the credit on, or i will use my rabid monkeys on you. [:
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Post by TALON OLIVIA LAVENDER on Feb 4, 2011 16:53:05 GMT -5
Talon was at a complete loss of words when it came to Brooklyn. She never knew what to do anymore and she hated it. She wished she could simply tell him she loved him, and that everything would be alright, and he would give up drinking just to be with her and happy. But she knew that was too much to ask. Even if he agreed, said he loved her too, how long would that really last before he went back to breaking promises and shattering her heart in the process? She hated that she loved him, hated that he hurt her as much as he did, and hated the fact that her memories of the old Nash wouldn't go away. Because the more she thought about how he used to be, the more hope she had for him and that he could change, and be the same person that she had so easily fallen for in the first place.
Thinking on it now the girl almost smiled, but as he stood before her she just couldn't bring herself to give him the satisfaction. Pushing the current out of her mind she allowed herself to go back. Back to a time where drinking with him was fun, a light drink to get loose, or a party here and there, maybe even a cold beer on the beach with him when they went on a weekend trip. Things had been so simple then, it was so easy to love him then, so easy to fall for him, and that was exactly what she had done. She didn't regret it though, surprisingly. She just wanted him back. More then anything in the world the girl just wanted to go back to the way things used to be. But by the looks of things, they weren't about to change in her favor. He was still being selfish, and it obviously clouded over his good judgment because she knew she was the only one that mattered to him. Deep down inside him she knew that was true, but lately, it was getting harder and harder to see.
Making sure her tears were gone the girl chanced a look at him, knowing what she would see would be a drunk Brooklyn. Talon shook her head slowly at his words, her jaw clenching and unclenching in sheer frustration, No Brooklyn, it's not just whatever, you're right for once. she said swallowing hard, willing herself to speak again. Letting her head drop to gaze at the ground the girl gave in to the fresh tears that threaten to spill over on her cheeks, dotting the dry sand beneath her feet into a muddy brown. Her tears, so obvious for him to see, but Nash probably being too drunk to even see straight, much less notice her tears. I... I can't.. she whispered softly, her ever-changing mood switching once more in his presence. That was the thing with brooklyn, she could never pick an emotion to feel around him and keep that same emotions. She didn't know how to feel.
Giving up of course would be the easiest, but she couldn't find the strength to do that to him. She wouldn't leave him alone with this dreadful disease. It was more like how she was waiting for him to realize what mattered the most: his life, or the alcohol he was consuming. She just wished he'd realize it sooner so she could be happy. Maybe it was a selfish reason to want someone to get better, but could you really blame her? She had completely lost the one she loved for them to change completely right before her eyes and breaking the promises he had made to her and hurting her on a daily basis. No, that wasn't selfish, it was common sense. When he was happy, she was happy, and until she made him happy, she would be in the same terrible condition that he was in. She just wanted to help him, all he had to do was want her to help.
It would be hard, she knew, but the thought of him being like he used to be was motivation enough for her to keep her hopes high. To this day she would literally do anything for him if it meant he would be happy again. Her feelings for him ran deep, deeper then she had originally planned, and now, there was no denying it. Loving him was like a part of her, and so was he. When he cried, she cried and when he smiled so did she. And right now, watching him go through this, well to say the least, it was beginning to take its toll on her.
The girl swallowed hard, not really trusting herself to speak but wanting to all in the same. Seeing him go through this and acting so hostile towards her was like watching from the outside looking in. Almost as if it weren't happening. But she knew it was, the constant pain she felt when she heard his name or thought about him was proof enough of that fact. She was just trying to live day to day now. Talon could smell the liquor permeated the air between them, she almost curled her lip in distaste but she refrained from doing so. He sat down and the girl turned her head to him, still not able to find the words to say. He was obviously doing the same, wanting to say something, anything to clear the air, but she knew there was nothing to say, nor would there be. It was time for another break, she knew. She just hoped he didn't take it too hard, like he always did. With a gentle shake of her head she sighed softly and spoke, her voice quivering a little, I think we both know what this means Brooklyn..
TAG jay and nash<3
WORDS 978
MUSE hella good.
NOTES wrote this in schoooool xD
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Post by brook2 on Feb 4, 2011 20:44:57 GMT -5
God bless the coffin they carry me off in
( THEY CARRY ME OFF IN ) A complete lost of words was an understatement compared to Nash. He was at lost for pretty much everything. It was a feeling he was all too familiar with. One he tried to drown away most of the time or forget about. It was hard to tell if he was just lost or confused. He didn't stop and think cause he didn't want to. He didn't have to to know the answer. He knew half the time when he could see strait that he fucked up many times and again after again. He just didn't think that he could stop. That this was just becoming one big unhealthy habit, and if he did change? Would he still be able to get back everything he missed or loved afterwords? He thought just because he straightened up his whole lifestyle would mean he would get everything back to normal. No one was just gonna believe he changed all of a sudden after the years of lies. So this simple fact he just didn't see the need to change. He didn't care that he was slowly destroying his life. He might not have known he was also destroying the lives of others around him especially those he cared about it. He didn't necessarily like doing it though alcohol did a big impact to change his better judgment. And if this meant he would be alone to stop himself from hurting the one's he cared about then that was fine by him. He would stay up all night and drink the pain away like he did every night. Nothing would change maybe expect everyone around him was off making something of themselves. Again it was better than them with him just so he could drag them down with him. Call him whatever the fuck you wanted. He didn't care. He wasn't out to prove himself to fucking nobody and that was one thing he had proved to everyone. He could smile about the past and wonder what happened, but the more he thought about it the more he just sunk lower into depression. Everyone was obviously right. All those things Talon called him or said to him were true. He was obviously selfish, but then again wasn't everyone? He was obviously a drunk ass. People told him these things everyday, even the one guy at the liquor store would eye him or say something every time he walked in to buy a six pack. And he had even admitted to himself he knew these things it wasn't like he was denying his alcohol addiction when he was sober or denying what a lair he was as well. The worst of it was knowing he was hurting the ones who did care though he didn't think much of the people who made him like this. The ones who were really suppose to care and now he ended up hurting the one person who truly did. At this point he didn't see the need in changing. He just wanted to push everyone away. Push ever yon away from him and make them hate him at least then they weren't caring, Then at least he was hurting them. And if he didn't live to see the next sunrise would it really matter? You didn't think or care at all when you were dead. Hell even now Nash was close to it. Of course Brooklyn was never alone though he felt like it most of the time. At least one thing he could feel when he wasn't confused about what he was really feeling. Guess Talon and Brooklyn both didn't know how to feel. Neither did it seem like they knew what to say or if they could say anything at all. The answer seem to be hanging thick in the air around them, it was just both of them probably didn't want to admit it though it was obvious. There was a huge part of Nash that cared and loved, but was overshadowed by the huge mistakes he had done or well his one huge mistake and there would always be that piece that no matter what would always love and care. So what was stopping him from changing? He had a reason.. But would it make up for all the things he did? He always wondering or at least told himself that somewhere out there there was something better for Talon than him. And as the words left her lips. The first one's she had said since he got here well his heat skipped a beat, but that was easy for him to ignore as well. He just sat there almost as still as her and listened with nothing better to say. He didn't even glance over at her. His hands in his lap, folded and intertwined with each other hard enough for the knuckles to turn white. His breath quiet almost not there. It was as if he actually were dead. It was weird how giving up just seem to be so easy for him to do. It just went along with not caring. Somehow he got by. Though he hadn't given up one thing. He ignored the looks just as easy as he gave up. He never wondered what they were waiting for he knew that answer. He just laughed in their face for thinking such a thing. They were better off waiting for him to change than trying to change him by force. Well if he changed at all. He was use to this type of lifestyle. He had grown up around it. This was natural to him. And so was everyone leaving him. His mom did it to his brothers and sisters. His sisters and brothers did it to him. Talon leaving, them not being together maybe it was for the better. Though this time it would be different. For him being use to such a thing. To not even have heard the words leave her lips. It sure as hell hurt a lot. He knew he had no room to talk. He wasn't thinking much of himself now. He just decided not to say anything which did little to help his situation. It didn't stop him from thinking about how Talon was feeling and how she was hurting. He hated himself for it. It made him want to be as far away as possible from here. He didn't want to see the tears stream down her face. He couldn't live with himself even now. The scent of liquor wasn't the only thing that lingered between them. Was the tension ever this high? Cause it was just about enough to choke him it felt like it almost. He didn't mind that she wanted to be far away from him now, while he was like this. Actually the father the better. It was about to happen he could feel it. He wasn't denying it now. He took a shaky deep breath, craning his neck to see her and her tear stained cheek even in the dark of the park. His lips drawn into a thin line. It took what was left of his strength to keep from shaking. God he seemed to be the most lost soul out there. He wanted better for her. He knew now that he was everything she hated, everything he did. And it was what was dragging him down. It was what made him sit in bed for hours staring at his ceiling with no sleep. It was a void and nothingness eating him whole. Even with all this hate there was no denying the love. Out of all the stupid shit he did. He never stopped loving her and no matter how much he wanted her to hate him. He knew there was no such thing."I know" He chewed on his lip. What else was he suppose to do now? Tell her sorry? Leave without another word? What? Cause he wanted to know for lords sake he wanted to know so badly what to do. he turned his head, not daring to look her in the eye. Not man enough to. "Can I use your phone to call Nick?" He went silent. It was fine if she said no. He was cool with walking either way. tag; Talon words; 1410 outfit; heree notes; fuck a lot of words and a lot of saddness credit; it was made my joey (xoxsilvermoonox) of CAUION 2.0 please leave the credit on, or i will use my rabid monkeys on you. [:
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Post by TALON OLIVIA LAVENDER on Feb 6, 2011 15:19:10 GMT -5
If there was anything that Talon wanted more then anything was for their relationship to be normal. She knew it was too much to ask, there was certainly no way that they could be normal, it had been a long time since they had been, and the normality of having it be normal had long since passed. Brooklyn was a different person now, and she had figured that out the hard way. She never wanted anyone to experience the pain she endured each and everyday. Her life was hard, but she wasn't about to complain to anyone, it was all emotionally. She held it all in, there really was no outlet, so she remained depressed and stressed at all times. It was why she came off as a bitch to anyone who ever crossed the line, said something too strong to her, or simple just agitated her. She wasn't a bitch, she just had a lot to deal with.
And she wouldn't open up easily, the girl was like a wall, a pure, solid wall that no one could ever break down. Not even nash, even though he certainly came the closest. Her life was mixed up, she knew it. She didn't know what to believe anymore. She was in a permanent state of confusion it seemed like, always being ignorant of something or another. She believed lies easily, or at least Brooklyn's lies. It was hard not to, he seemed so convincing all the time, and even though she knew she couldn't trust him with her heart, she chose to anyway. She was dumb for that reason alone. She couldn't help herself, there was always that small hope that he would get better one day, and put the alcohol down once and for all, it was a big dream she knew, but she wasn't going to give it up for the world. She would try her best to make it come true.
It wasn't like she hadn't already given her all to do so, she had tried her best. But apparently she wasn't good enough, not for the life he was leading. She was always the one who had the short hand. And yet, she still hadn't complained once. The girl had never released any of these feelings to anyone but the one who caused her this pain. She still felt as if she could tell him anything, and she did just that. The only thing that the girl held back was the extent of her feelings. He knew she loved him, he just had no idea how much. Her life wouldn't be the same without him, and although she knew she felt that way, and was almost ashamed to feel that way, she wouldn't tell him. Not unless things between them changed drastically. All she knew was that she was tired of being dragged along, she didn't want to be a part of his lifestyle he was choosing now. She didn't agree with it, nor would she ever. She wanted him well, and sober, and like the old Brooklyn she missed with all her heart.
Those times where he actually seemed to care were the best in the world. She wouldn't want to trade them for anything. She missed them, she missed the days when they had both been younger and things had been easier,and his depression hadn't taken over his life so severely. She knew his life wasn't anything to brag about, but was it a reason to go so.. overboard and ruin everyone else's life in the process? no, it wasn't. But she would never tell him that. She really should have realized by now the extent of how much she depressed him even more. She knew she should keep her mouth shut most times, but when a girl is hurt, she has nothing else on her mind but retaliation, and that was why most of the hurtful things she thought left her mouth. Her intention wasn't to put him deeper in his depression, it was only to get him out of it, and convince him that things could be so much better, because she knew it could.
They could be so happy together, but .. she knew it was a long shot. He wouldn't be truly happy unless he had a cold one in hand. It was then that she realized how much her life revolved around him. It always had honestly, he was.. her world, and she knew she couldn't deny it, even now. It didn't matter, he obviously didn't care for her as much as she had originally thought. She did know he loved her though, and that was enough for her to stick around and try and save him from himself, because honestly, that was what was killing him, his choices, well.. they weren't always the best, and he knew that good and well.
She'd never leave him alone. He'd be dead for sure if she did. His life to him, was nothing. She knew his process of thinking. After being around him so much she knew him like the back of her hand, and sometimes it was a blessing and a curse. She wouldn't let him die, she'd be dead herself. Talon couldn't imagine there being no Brooklyn, it was an impossible thought. And so she chose to be by his side so often, it was better for her to suffer now instead of suffer a whole lot more when he killed himself. She would never be the same if anything ever happened to him. It hurt her even when he went to the hospital, it could be little things. It was just the thought of him hurting in general that got to her.
Although she knew he was hurting emotionally just as much as her. Or.. at least it was what she liked to believe. She saw the hurt in his face, his eyes when she did come to visit him. It was hard on them both, she just didn't understand why it wasn't motivation enough for him to straighten up and get his life back together. She knew that seeing her cry hurt him, it always had. He would never look at her, and that was the way it should be. He knew he was the reason for her tears, he always was. In fact, she was sure he was basically the only reason the girl ever cried anymore.
The girl almost laughed aloud. She used to never cry, ever. And looking back on a time like that made her feel even more depressed. Her heart nearly sank to her stomach. Did life have to really be this hard? She didn't understand. Then again she never really had in the first place. She missed him, and she wished she had the words to convince him and make things normal, there would never be enough words for that now would there? The girl sighed as her hand lifted to wipe the tears away from her eyes, her vision too blurry to focus on anything.
The tension was killing her. It had never been this bad. It was almost as if someone had her neck in a death grip, squeezing to make sure she couldn't breath. That was what it felt like at least.. she hated it. This moment had repeated itself so many times though, he ought to be used to it. She sure as hell was. And she hated it each and every time. It was just that.. this time seemed a lot more significant then all the rest, as if it were sincerely the last time.. and she couldn't bring herself to walk away, or tell him to leave. She didn't want him to honestly, she never did. She just wanted the alcohol and his addiction to disappear completely, then everything would be okay again.
Was it really her fault that all she wanted was him? no, she knew it wasn't, but lately it was all she could do to think that was anything near possible. He made it impossible for her. She felt like screaming, pulling out all her hair, stomping on the ground or yelling at him to make him notice, but she knew he would just look at her like she was stupid. Was she really that hard to love? apparently so. the girl sighed as her heart seized a bit, hearing him tell her that he knew already. They had both seen it coming. Shaking her head gently she finally lifted her head to face him, dreading what she would see. He looked pitiful. And she knew what came next. The plot. the plot that he was probably already thinking up, to end his 'misery'. She wouldn't let him, and that was why she had enough strength to do this now. They'd be back in each others arms for long, she could never stay away. Biting her lip softly she shrugged, sure i guess... she said softly, reaching in her pocket and handing him her cell phone, her eyes locked on his, not wanting to look away. ever.
TAG jay and nash<3
WORDS 1509
MUSE really amazingly good<3
NOTES awhhhh.
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Post by brook2 on Feb 6, 2011 17:44:38 GMT -5
God bless the coffin they carry me off in
( THEY CARRY ME OFF IN ) Brooklyn was far from being a man. He was more like a lost little boy in a park looking for his mother. A mother he never had. Then again he was always searching for something. And he was never sure if he had already found and or if he had already passed it up. There was nothing normal about Nash and Talon was right there was nothing normal about their relationship. By and by he was slowly passing up the only thing he could ever hold onto. His stupid choices were leading him to an early grave. Even so the weight of his consequences didn't nearly bother him as much as what he should do or should have done. Yeah Brook would take responsibility for his actions. He already knew himself he was the reason for not Talon's alone misery, but his own as well. The kid really had no clue what to do. He truly was lost. It made everything harder on him to just make up his mind and decide. Even that seem like a task out of his reach. He knew himself he was dragging everyone around him six feet under with him. Still he couldn't see much of a life or what was left of this one he had without Talon. Even if them being together was hard, even them not together. He would still think about her constantly and know something was missing when she wasn't there. That had to be enough right? Had to be all and everything to get him to stop his destructive lifestyle? Well you had to ask someone else that question because Nash sure as hell didn't know. He thought it was, but maybe that's why they called it an addiction. Too obsessed with the little things he was forgetting the big picture. He was walking out on the best thing in his life. There were a lot of things different between the two lovers and the things that drove them apart, but they were very similar in a way. Or maybe there was just something in Talon that attracted Nash to her. What he saw in her on the first day they met. What he saw even now. She was a strong girl that could handle herself. A girl that could handle Nash. A fire in her eyes she saw and something in her he saw the old him and what brought them together. He also saw himself now and what was tearing them apart. How he was slowly breaking her down, maybe he wasn't doing it intentionally. He wasn't really thinking at all. But no matter what he could see it. And he couldn't stand to see her like that and know he was the cause for it all. To know that everything everyone that he hated said was right and that everything anyone had said about it was true. That now all he could do was cover up with a mask that just said 'I don't give a fuck'. That's how he got over it. He wanted to go back, but now he didn't know how. He didn't know if he could ever go back. No matter how much Talon or him wanted it. Except they could, Nash was just having a hard time figuring out how to make it happen. It all started with him and he knew he could change that. Then god dammit why was he so confused then? Why was he so lost now when it felt like almost yesterday he had it all figured out? Why couldn't he just make the right decision? Why was living like a normal person so hard to fucking do? These and many more question ran through his head all the time. These were the questions he had a hard time figuring out. Talon was probably everything when Brook had nothing. She was probably better than anything he had ever had before. The way she made him feel was something he couldn't explain. He was also unable to explain why he chose everyday of his life to make her feel like shit or not good enough. Or why he stopped telling her that she was the only one for him or how beautiful she was and or the way she made him feel on a daily basis. Then everything would go back to the one thing that had started it all. Nash's stupid decisions and his addictions. It had turned from an 'go out and party' sort of thing to an everyday occasion. It was to help him forget about all the shit in his life right? Well all that had disappeared a while ago. If it had put up enough with him and now it was only his own stupid illusions getting to him. Everything and or everyone pretty much abandoned him besides the ones who actually did stay. Though who would? The only problem now was the misery he was creating for himself. No one was the cause for any of his problems besides him. It was a daily thing to make others think they were especially when they were only trying to help. His mind might have been on Talon and them staying together even though it was a long shot. He even wondering to himself on the occasion he was somber why she was with him. He did love her truly he did. Though Brooklyn knew himself you could always love a person and still be wrong for them or at least he thought so. Then again he was off a little as always. As much as Nash denied it or even had a clue about it. He needed Talon there. He needed her with him and by his side. She needed to be there even if he was in the gutter or at his worst cause then that's when Brooklyn needed her the most. It was even enough for him to get on his knees and cry cause after all he was human to. He was hurting even if he didn't show it. After a while. With all the drinking, when your so wasted you can't feel anything you stop caring, and you also stop hurting. And as long as he could do one of the two and or both. Nash was fine, he denied it all. In his little world he thought he was doing Talon a favor by not inviting her into his dark little world his addiction had created when in reality she could be the only thing to save him. Nash knew he was a lot of thing. A lot of thing he could admit anyways. He was glad and even proud thought all the shit he had put Talon through. He wasn't low enough to put his hands on Talon. At least not in an abusive way. He hadn't even when drunk or as far as he could remember he hadn't. Really he couldn't think about doing such a thing. He already got the hint he had shattered her heart and was probably still ripping it to pieces with all of his decisions. He couldn't bring himself to stoop any further could he? Nash didn't want to think about it like all the other things he didn't want to think about like the tears staining her cheeks even though he had a clue she probably cried a hundred times before. And they both knew the reason. When Nash didn't want to think any more. When he couldn't think anymore. Something inside of him shut off. He went lifeless and cold. How he felt like almost now. When you couldn't feel things bothered you less. He could have been the closest thing to the walking dead. If he was such a fuck up and felt this dead why was he still living? If he wasn't able to feel alive what was the point in living? Suicidal thought ran through his head. And he sat there under the weight of the tension with no clue Talon had an idea that he was probably thinking about offing himself. And if he did he probably couldn't even bare to be any where near her. Not because of her, but because of him. If anyone what he was thinking he wouldn't be able to stand to be near anyone. Cool he had a ride home though really he didn't feel like going home to his other hell where he would most likely just drink himself to death or until he passed out which ever one worked for him. He thought people were just better off without him. He barely even liked himself on a regular basis though he always acted cocky or like he was something. He didn't believe it he actually thought the exact opposite. He took a deep breath muttering the words thanks under his breath. He turned around and reached for the phone. Not even expecting to lock eye contact with her. He stared into hazel eyes then and there he could see everything. It made him want to look away and never look back someone might have been ripping his heart from his chest cause thats' what he felt like. Odd how he could still feel. It made him wonder if she could see the lost and nothingness in his eyes. No fire or spark, no destination in them. Absolutely fucking nothing. He finally had the phone in his hand the contact enough to snap him back into reality. He tore his eyes from Talon and looked at the phone. Then like it was nothing he dialed up Nick “Hey man I'm at the park come and get me” He paused “Yeah whatever man” He shut the phone and dropped it into her lap. He so badly wanted to say something to the women across from him, but what else was there to say. Right now he couldn't feel much less say something. It did nothing to help his situation. tag; Talon words;1661 outfit; heree notes; me tooo :] credit; it was made my joey (xoxsilvermoonox) of CAUION 2.0 please leave the credit on, or i will use my rabid monkeys on you. [:
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Post by TALON OLIVIA LAVENDER on Feb 7, 2011 17:00:33 GMT -5
Was there any point in trying anymore? The girl didn't think so. Life was hard enough without having to worry about these things. It only added to her stress, she felt as if there was nothing she could do anymore, and she knew that there barely was. As hard as she had tried, it wasn't enough, or at least that was the message he was sending to her. He didn't have to tell her to her face, his actions spoke far louder then his words and besides, she didn't want to hear him say it, she wouldn't be able to take it. Especially since she could barely stand this. It was like her world was being turned upside down and she was standing on her head, the blood rushing to her face and she wasn't able to breath. Almost like that. Except worse.
Far worse. There was really no words to describe how bad she felt. It felt as if everything she had ever lived for was a lie. As if nothing was ever good enough, as if.. there was nothing to live for in the first place. And that her life was a lie, a total waste of a life. Of course, she knew it wasn't true, but feeling as she did now? Well, it sure as hell felt like it. The girl hadn't been the same ever since he changed, because little did she know, she had changed as he had, and exactly when he had. She had once been a free-spirited and care free type of girl, but all of that was down the drain. She wasn't that Talon any longer, she was now the Talon that bitched and complained all the time because Nash wasn't the same person. That was her one true motive in all of this, and why she couldn't get him back to how he used to be she would never know.
One thing she did know though, was that it was getting old. This routine, it had to stop somewhere didn't it? This feeling that she had been feeling for so long, it had to go away.. it should have already. But of course he had to make things complicated and get her hopes up only to crush them. It was partially her fault, she knew it. She shouldn't have been so gullible and believe him so easily. It was just so easy to do, especially since her mind went along the lines of this one thought: what if this time he actually meant it? What if this time he was finally giving her what she wanted? His cooperation. She believed him for that one reason only. But of course, he lied to her every time. Only for her to believe him and be made a fool out of.
She knew how his friends thought of her. They thought she was pathetic. yes, it made them quite the hypocrites she knew, but it didn't matter, they didn't think what they were doing was wrong. Maybe nash, but nick and the rest of the crew? No, it was natural for them. They didn't have a future, they didn't have anything to look forward to like Brooklyn did, and Talon wanted so bad to show him somehow. Often times she had thought about leaving him for good, to show him that he could lose her, or make him believe he was losing her, but she could never find the strength to do it. Yes, she was a strong girl, but she knew her boundaries. And telling him that she wouldn't be waiting for him or that she didn't love him any longer would test those boundaries that she didn't want to cross. And she knew that seeing the hurt on his face and shock she would see travel through him wasn't worth all of that. Not to come back to him, cause she knew she would. She wouldn't do that to him.
But this had to stop. Because the hole inside of Talon was growing larger and larger with each and every promise he broke, with each time he drank and called her over, saying he wasn't drunk. It was eating away at her and before too long there would be nothing left. She would become just like him and be numb. Hell, she felt like that now. She didn't know what to feel and the best option was to feel nothing at all. Only, she didn't have that release as he did. She just refused to sink that low. And yes, it was low. She wasn't about to ruin her life too. She had seen the effects it had had on his life, and for both of them to be in trouble, well it wouldn't end well. That was the thing that got her the most. If Talon were to ever be in trouble, who would save her?
Brooklyn was never sober enough to take care of her, not that he would in the first place. If the girl were to get in a wreck and be in her car on the side of the road she would probably be dead by the time he actually got there to 'save' her. She couldn't rely on him, and that was what hurt the most, and made it hard. She couldn't count on him, for anything. He had proven that fact many times to her. There was no use in trying it out over and over again just to have her suspicions proven correct. Besides, she didn't want to have to deal with the pain it would bring. She wanted to get rid of her pain, only, there was no way. She had to deal with it, she had no choice. Her way of dealing, was to cry, and to be alone, at all times. It was sad and pathetic she knew, but it wasn't like there was another way to deal with it. What could she do.. really..?
Leave him? no. He would only kill himself and leave her to be alone forever. Fuss and yell at him? no. He would only stare at her like she was stupid and nod his head dumbly until she stopped and break the promises he said he would keep. There was really no way to fix things. And Talon couldn't figure out for the life of her how to stop the routine. She had just finally come to the conclusion that they couldn't. The breath from her lungs seemed to be squeezed out. A mechanical reaction. She had to breath because she had to live, and she had to live because she had to keep him alive. What a life. She knew there was no point in her life, which led her to thoughts she knew she had no business thinking of, but it intrigued her, and she couldn't help but think of her own death.
Of course she would never think of offing herself like Brooklyn did on a daily basis. No, she wasn't that selfish. She knew he would follow right after her, she had every reason to believe he would. If he was already thinking of it, what held him back? Her. It was the only reason she could think of. And she knew it was true, because she had been the one to stop him every time she had caught him in the act. It was sad, but she knew she would every time. If he needed her, she would try her best to be there, and she was, every time. But what if the tables turned? What if Talon was the one who needed saving? Would he care enough to try and stop her? She had never thought of something so crazy but the more she thought about it the more interested the girl became in it. A simple call telling him she was about to do. Would it sober him up enough to come to her rescue? Or would he simply shrug his shoulders and say okay, for her to die the next day, or even worse, that very moment.
Would he miss her? Would he tell her not to? Would he promise to put the bottle down for good if she told him she wouldn't if he did? The questions pounded at her brain at a furious pace and she could barely keep up with them to answer. She was short of breath now and her heart seemed to beat right out of her chest. If Nash would have known what was going on he could have probably heard her heart from where he stood. All of this took place as she heard him on the phone, saying the familiar words to the boy on the other end. The one who she held responsible for the Nash that now stood before her. It was nicks fault, and she would believe that until the day she died, and apparently, the way her thoughts were going, it was going to be sooner than she had originally planned.
Maybe not though, she knew it was crazy, but she couldn't help it. She was that desperate to save him. But would it make a difference. That was the question. The one she was almost scared to answer. She knew he cared about her, and she knew he loved her, but did he love her enough to stop her from dying? Did he care enough? Surely, if he didn't care about her enough to stop drinking for her, he didn't care that she wouldn't be there anymore. In fact, it would probably be a relief to him. No one to nag him anymore about not drinking. No one there to tell him she hated him, when she obviously didn't. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe.. just maybe she would go through with his. But she was scared, she had to admit that. It was a crazy thought, but it was invading her mind. She couldn't stop them. Not now, she had already given the simple thought freedom to sprout new little ideas in her mind, and now she had no choice but to let its seeds plant themselves in her mind. She just needed someone to tell her she was crazy, and for them to stop her mind from working like it was. or they would have a dead, or dying Talon on their hands.
TAG jay and nash<3
WORDS 1729
MUSE uhhhm wow xD
NOTES NEW PLOT IDEA, INSTANT MESSAGE ME WHEN YOU READ THIS<33333.
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