Post by HARLOW LONDON ROCKWELL on Feb 8, 2011 21:38:19 GMT -5
god forgive me for all my sins,
GOD FORGIVE ME FOR EVERYTHING.
Harlow couldn't believe what had happened in the past few days. It was crazy to believe that she was pregnant. She could tell, and she couldn't deny how it felt. Amazing but terrible at the same time. Amazing because it was a part of him and her, together into a miracle. She knew it was a really girly thought, but she honestly couldn't help herself. The only bad thing about it was the fact that she was gaining weight, even within the first few days. She could tell. Her clothes were beginning to be tight, but not obnoxiously so thank god. Not only that but in the mornings she always felt weak to her stomach. No matter what she was doing or attempting to do the girl felt as if she couldn't go anywhere because she would easily release the contents of her stomach. She hadn't been anywhere since, at least not in the morning time.
The girl couldn't even brush her teeth without becoming nauseous. It was really that bad, and it was this fact along with a few others that told her she was pregnant. She didn't really need any other confirmation, this was quite enough. They had already discussed it, Syd already knew she was pregnant. And he dismissed the thought as soon as he heard it. She had even begun to think that he could possibly kick her out over the matter. That was the thing with Syd, she could never tell when she would push him over the edge. Because living with him meant that she was under his care and protection and if she dared to cross him she would be put out on her ass within a moments notice. Not even that really. No matter how much he loved her, or as much as he said he loved her, the boy was just as impulsive as she had ever seen someone be.
It was why she was so passive. She hadn't originally been that way. He had made her that way, and although she didn't really mind it. Not having a backbone, or enough of one to stand up to him was beginning to annoy her. She disliked the way he pushed her around so easily. Especially when it was over stupid things. Threatening to kick her out over something like sex, or a sandwich even. It made her sick to her stomach. Even more so then the morning sickness she had been experiencing lately. She didn't want to get rid of this baby. She wanted to keep it. It wasn't really a fact of having it to have a baby, she would honestly give it up for adoption if she really wanted to, but she knew she wouldn't ever be able to give away something that was a product of her and Syd both after she had it. It was just the fact that having an abortion to Harlow, meant one thing. Killing an unborn child.
It was the unthinkable. She couldn't imagine ever killing something in general, it just wasn't in her nature. And for the thought to cross her mind about killing a life that could be, and a life that was a result of her? No, she wouldn't dare kill it. Not when she knew just how much she would love it. She couldn't do that. The baby would be so loved... at least by her. And she was sure Syd would feel the same the second he laid eyes on it. How could he not? He wasn't heartless, she knew that for a fact. She loved him with all her heart she did, he was just a pain in the ass sometimes. But so was everyone at some point, she had long since gotten over that small fact. But it was really beyond time for the girl to grow a pair and stand up to him. It didn't change the fact though that she was nervous beyond belief.
Sitting in the car the girl sighed softly as she reached over to grab his hand like she had the other night. Her thumb tracing the skin along his large hand, smiling softly as her heart beat hard inside of her chest. An abortion was not on the agenda today. At least not on her agenda. She would have to tell the nurses before hand, and have them agree, but she figured they would understand once she explained the situation. They may not approve or agree with it, but could they really go against her guidance? And she knew they wouldn't. Syd would find out eventually, but today was just simply not that day. She would do everything necessary to convince him that everything was taken care of, and that there was no baby on the way. But there would be, and sooner or later, he would know.
Harlow was just going to hold her breath until that eventful day. She knew she was going to have to face the consequences, but it was worth it to her. It was about damn time.
TAG syd/ryan<3
WORDS 841
MUSE good(:
NOTES nananana starterrr.
